New Blog (RealCreepypastas607)

DISCLAIMER TO POSTER: WHEN MAKING DIVISION LINES BETWEEN UPDATES, CREATE LINE BORDER AT FULL LENGTH THEN DELETE 22 CHARACTERS ON DESKTOP VERSION ONLY!

(EDIT: DECEMBER 5, 2017 - I COPY AND PASTED MY OLD BLOG ONTO MY NEW BLOG. PLEASE IGNORE ANY OTHER BLOGS I HAVE POSTED: THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY BLOG, ALL OTHERS ARE FALSE, OUTDATED, OR UNORGANIZED)

Welcome to the blog! This will be updated every once in a while so be sure to check back in from time to time for more content!

UPDATE: April 24, 2015

Hey, what's up? This is my first blog edit (at least in a while). I made this blog back in February I think, and I haven't really posted anything...for some reason.

Anyway, if you have an Xbox 360 then add me here.

Xbox 360 Gamertag:

Gamingmonkey17

My games on Xbox are: GTA V, Castle Crashers, Minecraft, Black Ops II, etc. just games like that. I have some pretty good maps on Minecraft so if you want to play them I will be glad. Especially my Curse of the Magic Hag Adventure Maps (which are retarded and hilarious). I am making a Zelda-based Adventure Map having nothing to do with Magic Hag (but there will be a dungeon based off of the potion shop and references).

I mostly play Super Smash Bros. for Nintendol 3DS and Majora's Mask 3D. I really want to get Xenoblade Chronicles for the New Nintendo 3DS though. On SSB 3D my fighters I use are:

Mario, Bowser, Bowser Jr. (and Koopalings), Wario, Ganondorf, Ike, Robin (sometimes), Little Mac, Fox, Falco, Captain Falcon (sometimes), Mega Man, and Mewtwo. (UPDATED 4/15/16) Bayonetta, Cloud

That's it for now guys, so till next time I update this blog.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: 4/15/16

Has seriously been a year since I updated this blog, Jesus. Anyways, I've been getting into this indie game called "Terraria". One of my friends introduced me to it, I was kind of sceptical at first. But after a while it gets absolutely addicting, believe me. It's basically a 2D version of Minecraft, only there is more to it than that. See, there is Mana and Health. No food bar or breakable tools. Whatever tool you make it will never break. It kind of gets into the fantasy type-theme with magic and stuff, kind of like World of Warcraft in a way. I recommend it, the game is more than meets the eye!

Also since most of my friends have an Xbox One i've been thinking of getting one myself. I just like Xbox more than Playstation I guess, I can't really explain it. I just hope that if Microsoft does want to do cross-platforming i'll get to game with my other friends who have a Playstation. I'm really hyped for Doom which is going to get released soon. I played the original one on N64 first, then PC. What I would really like though is for there to be a remake/remaster of Quake. That game seriously kicked ass, loved it. Anyways, i'm going to trade in my 3DS XL and my Xbox 360 to get in-store credit towards an Xbox One. I did a total for all the cash I currently have, along with my other games. The total would add up to around $220. I need just a little bit more, because I asked one of the store employees how much a black Xbox One and Controller alone would be and he said $269.99. I'm sure with taxes it will be at least around $300 so just a LITTLE bit more cash and i'll be good. I'm willing to sell my 3DS and give up Smash Bros. for a while. One of my friends only has the 3DS version so he might miss out. But he doesn't spend much time on that anyway. Now that we've grown up I guess he's more into consoles than portable consoles now. It's not like in 7th grade where all we did was play using our 3DS. Time changes I guess, some for good some for worse. But I still have the issue of getting games for the Xbox One. The 3 I would like to have would be: Destiny, Black Ops III, or Doom (for sure). Also Dark Souls III as well, hyped for that too (I'm sure i'm going to die a lot just like any other Dark Soul game). School has been ok at most, grades aren't that good, but decent from some perspective.

My life has been going somewhat ok. I'm in a group called TSA after school, but it's pretty much ending this Saturday at the MESA day competition around my city. I enjoyed it, I can tell that for the rest of High School that i'm going to join. I do have plans over the summer as well, I'm not just going to do NOTHING like I did last year. I did go to Las Vegas so that was pretty cool. I hope High School doesn't fly by. After High School, my life is going to completely change. I know I need to go to college and become an Engineer like i've always wanted, but I don't know if I can say goodbye to my friends. Even if I've only known them for a few years they mean the world to me honestly. They make my life worth living. Especially the ADMINS on this page, they mean a lot to me as well. Even if I don't show it i'm not really what I might seem like to someone. Especially one of my friends whom I met in 6th grade. I'd like to be lifelong friends with him, along with my other friends and the ADMINS on here, all of which I know in real life. You guys mean everything to me, and although I do have a family, you'll always, to me at least, be family.

Thank you guys for all these years. It's made school turn into a true privledge. I wouldn't be as confident as I am now to be myself. I did used to be shy but I'm not anymore, because you all have helped me realize that it doesn't matter who you are. Because all of us are different in our own way, and we're ok with that.

Anyways, I probably won't update this blog again (for a while anyways). I do have my own life to live, that's probably why I, along with the other ADMINS, haven't monitored this page for a while. But until next time, peace.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: 4/22/16

Oh look at that, i've updated this blog again! Doesn't matter anyway, just in 4th period right now for Microsoft Office/Powerpoint. We have a sub, he's really cool. I've had him before in Construction 1B for 3rd period. Anyways, Star Fox ZERO came out today. I read a review or two, and so far it's made me worried about spending $60 to buy it. One review said that the game was simply mediocre. Whatever, i'm not going to buy it anyway. My brother bought the Wii U that I use so i'm just hoping that he'll buy it so I don't have to spend any of my cash. Things aren't exactly going good for me. My grades are kinda shitty, kind of feels like some of my friends are drifting apart from me honestly. Feels bad, but in all honestly i'd rather just tell them that I wouldn't want to be friends anymore instead of slowly talking less and less because, to me, that is the worst feeling someone could ever have. I'm not going to be specific as to who i'm talking about but even so, i'm sure there's reason why this is happening. High School wasn't anything like I thought it would be. How could you be such good friends with someone in middle school, then just a couple years in high school it feels like you barely know each other? Whatever, life sucks ass I guess. So in short, grades are shit and friends seem like they're drifting apart. I'm planning on confronting some of them about all this, just to clear things up a bit. I guess in high school you find out who your friends really are, even if they are close. I'm gonna do my best to try and save some of my friendships somehow, I just haven't figured out how yet. Good times come and good times go, honestly I just wish those good times would last a little longer. I know i'm excluded from things, even if evereyone pretends i'm not. And if i'm wrong about any of this then it's only good news for me.

I think I went a little bit overboard, so i'll go ahead and discuss a little bit of other things.

My current progress in Terraria is pretty good. I've killed the Twins and the Destroyer. I have to summon him again though because I never got those souls from him. I think what happened is that I just didn't look around for them and they just despawned. I found the Twins souls, but still I need to fight the Destroyer again. My health and mana is maxed out. What I mean is that I have all the hearts and mana stars.

My Dad got me a job, kinda. He found some guy who would pay me $100 every 3 weeks for mowing his lawn once a week. Fucking great, I need money all the time. This could be my opportunity to get the Xbox One. There is a problem though, the offer for the Xbox One being $299.99 expires on the 30th of this month, and I still got two weeks of work left to go until I get payed. It will be May once I get paid, and by that time the offer will change, and the Xbox One will be $350 again, at least I think. I only ever see bundles of the damn things and never just the fucking console and controller together. I DEFINITELY do not want to get a pre-owned Xbox One from Gamestop because i've had my fair share of GameShit experiences. Their logo should be "Don't be surprised if your pre-owned GameSTOPS working". I don't like Gamestop, at all, and ordering stuff online is too complex for me. I'd rather do it in person. I asked my Dad that if he could loan me $100 for now, and that when I get paid the money is his. But, of course, I got the expected answer of "No". Course, my parents are super tight about letting me spend money on anything technology related (even though I have a Bluetooth and they're ok with it, even when I spent my money on it.)

Music that I like will consist of EDM, Electronica, Progressive House, Rock, and just a drop of metal. I don't like metal a whole lot, but only some. Some people that I listen to are NCS, AC DC, Hollywood Undead, Metallica, and of course deadmau5. Seriously, I started getting into deadmau5 recently, how have I not heard his music before? Seriously, it's great. I also did get into No Copyright Sounds in 2012 and barely started getting back into them recently. My favorite songs from them are Fade and Blank. I really like Blank a lot, has a joy feel to it. I only know like 6 songs tops from them, but I can name at least 20 songs from deadmau5, seriously, not joking. I'm into his music a lot now. My friend (unnamed) is into No Copyright Sounds (I think) too. My favorite songs from deadmau5 are: Professional Griefers, Maths, Hi Friend!, Ghosts n' Stuff, Silent Picture, Raise your Weapon, Creep, My Pet Coelacanth. Bascially almost all of the songs. His newest one is Aural Psynapse but I think he's taking a break from making music for awhile. His Twitter said, I think, that he would resume in 2017. I also like Hollywood Undead too. They're a rock and rap band. I honestly am not a huge fan of rap, but I think that because it's a mix of rap AND rock it makes it so that I can enjoy it. Some of my favorite songs from them are Everywhere I Go, The Diary, Apoligize, and Glory.

Also, there's a song maker named Egoraptor who makes parody songs of video games. He is really good at animation too, he's more known for his other channel Game Grumps though. I wish he'd focus more on animation too. I'd like to animate too, but I think it's too much work and too much time is required.

I just wish that some of my friends would have at least told me to get an Xbox One. No one has told me so I guess they don't really care if I get one or not. I don't know, I think the validity of some of my friends is questionable honestly. But i'm still friends with them only because of how much they mean to me. Especially one person in general. I said he's like family, but really, he IS family. Whether or not he cares about me as much I do to him, i'll always be there if he needs me for anything. He's earned that, to be called family by me, he deserves it. And even if we don't hang out, talk, or do stuff together as much as we used to, he's still a great friend. I can't call him my best friend, but maybe my closest. But I can't call him my best friend because, for one, we've only known each other for 5 years, and two, I don't think it would be fair to my other friends who i've known for almost as long. I've remembered just about everything that we've done, played, or said to each other. I just wish it would've lasted longer. Whatever, maybe getting an Xbox One will help to restore our friendship since we'll be able to play vidya together again like we used to. I still remember when I would stay the night at his house and we'd play Black Ops 2 into the wee hours. Especially when his parents were sleeping and it was like midnight, damn did I love to do that. He's met new people of course, so maybe that's why we don't talk to each other as much. I mean yeah, we're growing up. It's not middle school anymore where everything is fine and dandy.

Honestly, I think we are still SOMEWHAT good friends, it's just that I have a hard time to talk to him about anything since we're so into different things. I'll fix this though. I take honors classes, but i'd be willing to step down from that just to have a class or two with him. If he doesn't want to be friends, then he can tell me. I told him he can tell me anything, and if he thinks that i'm too sensitive to take anything then he just doesn't trust me. I'm fine with whatever decision he would have.

Ok, till next time. Bye.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 11, 2016

I has le edits. But in all serious i'm editing this blog on my Galaxy S4 so don't blame me if it comes out bad. I don't have my PC with me so I can't edit as well.

So lots of things have happened these past few weeks.

As far as TSA goes, officially it's now over. Even though it is, however, I still stay after school to fuck around with some of my friends (one of them is an ADMIN here). I met some really cool people in TSA. Especially a senior named Jordy-senpai. He knows my brother so that's probably the only reason why he talked to me. Obviously since he's a senior he becomes the dominant of all situations. He's pretty cool. Sucks that he is graduating though, would've liked him to have stayed a bit longer. I'll go into further detail about everyone else in a future time though, for now i'll focus on what's been going on.

I've been volunteering in concessions for soccer games a lot, and it's been fun. Serving the people is boring as shit, but it's only fun when the other TSA members are there. The big boss of TSA would have to be Mr. Martin. He's a veteran and he's very dominant over everyone else. Kidna scary too, but he's really cool. I found it funny when he discovered I changed the Windows 10 background to an anime theme and he looked at me in disappointment. My sides hurt for about 6 hours after that. He also told me that even though me and my partner's video game didn't win state competition (although it did get top 10 in the state surprisingly) he could take it to national competition in Tennessee. Apparently one of the top competitors places was available (who knows why) and so we could take it. I was pretty excited but I found out that it didn't mean I got a free ride to nationals. Feelsbadman.jpg but still that's pretty good.

Now the "squad" consisting of about 10 people went to go see Civil War without me and I wasn't invited. I felt a little left out but I didn't take too much fuss about it. At most I felt insulted. I know my place anyway so doesn't bother me too much as it would've at one point. As of that whole "friends drifting apart" buisness, I just think i'm more of a reality friend than a text friend like some others. I think some friends I know will just be high school memories and not lifelong friends. Things have significantly gotten better in the friendship department though.

My progress in Terraria has hit it's peak as far as i'm concerned. See, when the world spawns, there are 2 types of environments that have a 50% chance each to spawn but can't both be in the same world. They are: The Crimson, and The Corruption.

My world got the Corruption.

I play it on Xbox 360 so I can't fight any of the PC bosses like the final boss "Moon Lord", but at least I can fight the console-exclusive boss "Ocram", who, by the way, is a real pushover.

All I have left to fight now is the Frost Moon and the Pumpkin moon I think. I have all the NPC's moved in my house already and I think i'm around 98% completed. My main goal right now is to create the final top-tier armor: Dragon Armor.

I have all Beetle Armor though. The total defense with all accessories and stuff is added up to a 92 defense. Pretty good. With the Ironskin potion it would add up to 100 defense. It doesn't mean anything now that i've defeat Ocram (the final boss on console) but there's also a problem with making the Dragon Armor. See there are certain types ores exclusive to the Crimson and Corruption. I haven't found ANY Cobalt and Adamantite (which is dropped by Ocram but can be found in the Crimson) but still though. I'm fine with Beetle Armor as it reduces all damage you take by 45%, but i'd like to see what the Set Bonus is for Dragon Armor. Whenever you have all matching armor, you get a bonus buff for wearing it. With Clorophyte Armor you get a giant green crystal above your head that shoots at enemies. I also got an EXTREMELY overpowered weapon during a Solar Eclipse called a Death Sickle. It's basically a scythe that shoots scythe projectiles that pass through blocks and hit multiple times. One scythe projectile together with all my stuff can deal around 250 damage if done correctly, and that's not even counting the critical percentage.

Overall life's been good to me recently. I also have a plan for this summer, will keep it personal though. If all goes well though i'll be different when school starts.

Till next time.

__________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 12, 2016

I know that I should be working on my powerpoint project for Microsoft Office/Powerpoint right now, but I just felt like coming back here again. It's 4th period right now, honestly I feel like I have no more exciting classes. I have, for first period, Algebra 2. For second, Honors English 10 (which I consider the worst class of all time), third is Construction 1B. This one really gets on my nerves for some reason, mostly because I already PASSED 1B last trimester, yet I had to take it again for some reason. 4th period is obvious, this is the best one I guess all things considered, especially since it's all independent work. Mainly, I just mess around but I really need to catch up. 5th period is Chemistry. It's not boring a whole lot, but it certainly can be. Especially if all we do is sit there and get lectured and learn about Stoichiometry. I have to retake the test for it since I got a 50% on it (equal to an F), and it's a mandatory retake. After that we can pretty much research on our big project for the rest of the year. I forgot what subject I needed to research, but i'll just ask.

I really want another class with Mr. Martin, those are the only fun ones overall. Especially when I had 3D Solid Modeling for 2nd Trimester. Not only did I already know how to use the program for the class - Autodesk Inventor, I also didn't need to walk anywhere for TSA.

I mostly just go in there in the morning and after school, now that it's over, to play Slither.io, pretty fun game. Better than Agar.io for sure.

Also, TSA officer candidate election results are going to be announced today. I don't think I said anything about how I "accidently" became an officer candidate.

So in short, an assignment came on the TSA Google Classroom, stating that if you wanted to be a TSA Officer Candidate to submit your application. I thought everyone in TSA was required to do it so I submitted my application.

It was 2 sentences long.

It said in those two sentences saying why I shouldn't be an Officer Candidate, and what do you know, a week later I get interviewed for a position.

Andrea, Jordy, Squirrel, and a few others I think said they were voting me for Vice President. Gross. I don't like being responsible. Whatever, i'll probably update this blog again when I get the results.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: MAY 16, 2016

Alright so I didn't get elected for TSA Vice President (thank God), however I am going to TSA still. I didn't want more responsibility for TSA anyway, had enough as it is.

So on Saturday of last week I ended up asking my Dad to take me to the Gamestop in Union Gap. See my friend lent me $50 to use to get the Xbox One (bless him, he's the best), and I also made an extra $30 that same day for helping my Dad clean up and stuff at his buisness. He teaches his students to get a GED (General Education Development). Basically it's the equivalent of a high school diploma.

Anyway, we were in the Gamestop. I had brought:

My Xbox 360 - with controller (that has a battery pack cover taped to it to keep it from falling out)

Majora's Mask 3D and NSMB 2

A Kinect

Black Ops

And my TLoZ: A Link Between Worlds edition 3DS XL which I was gonna trade in.

The reason I was trading in my 3DS (which I really didn't want to do) was because I felt like it served its purpose already. I had it for around 3 years, it's still in good condition but I need the trade-in credit.

Anyway, I went to the clerk and told him I wanted to trade all this shit in for an Xbox One. First he asked if I was an adult (or if one was with me), so I had my Dad come to the counter. Things IMMEDIATELY went downhill. It's Gamestop so I shouldn't be too surprised.

First I handed him my Xbox 360. Right away he started to flip it around and shit and observe it to see if there was even a stratch on it. Everything on the outside was good. However, I didn't realize that there was a compartment on the side of the console where you could take out the USB. It's pretty big, around 250 GB. So the clerk pulled it out and just *POOF* dust flies out everywhere. What the actual hell? I never even knew about that place, I had never opened it until that day because I never knew it was there. He said I could clean the dust or whatever and it would be fine. By the way, if it wasn't obvious enough already I could tell I was going to get screwed over.

Next he asked if I had the power cords and stuff, so I handed him them. Then, he asked if I had (get this) a fucking HDMI cable.

I was internally screaming.

The fuck would a pre-owned Console purchaser would need an HDMI cord for?! That's their fucking responsibility to have one already! I also needed a functioning controller in order to complete the offer. It does function, it's just that the battery pack cover was taped on.

Right off the bat I knew that this experience wouldn't go as smoothly as I had planned.

As if the shitstorm wasn't bad enough, I tried to trade in my 3DS. I had the charger and stylus which was required. But, the guy checked the serial number on the bottom-back of the 3DS. It had faded out over time naturally.

Also, I wasn't aware that you could check the serial number on the inside of the 3DS so had I known then I would've said something.

So the number fades out naturally right? Then, the guy says that they can't have me trade it in without the serial number.

Fucking bullshit of course. Why anyone purchasing a pre-owned 3DS would want the fucking serial number of all things (considering they would want the charger or stylus more) is beyond my comprehension.

I didn't even bother trying to trade in anything else because already I wanted to punch that clerk. He honestly didn't know he was doing, I could tell he just cared about his paycheck.

See this is why I don't like Gamestop. They always show that you can get this trade-in value for whatever you have, and then turns out you need like 5 more accessories to go with it (EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT MENTIONED UNLESS YOU'RE THERE IN PERSON). I had the app on my phone too, so that might've sped things up a bit. I'll try again this week. I asked one of my friends if I could have the battery pack cover of their Xbox 360 controller, so that will fix the controller issue I have. Then, I can just show the clerk next time the serial number inside of the 3DS so I don't need the box to it (which I don't have).

Other things haven't been so great lately.

A few of my grades went down. We haven't really had any assignments. School is ok at best, for now. I haven't showed up to TSA lately since i've wanted to walk with one of my friends to his house, and then back to the High School. See he doesn't live very far by the High School, and so I can just walk with him to his house then dip from there. I've only done this to avoid making less conversation and actually do stuff together (to avoid drifting apart. I already ranted about this before.) As of the friendship department, it's kind of ok? I mean, there was a post that my friend's sister made. It was something about tag your real friends or something like that. Had something to do with someone's friend bringing them milk for their cereal at 1 AM? Pretty cool and stupid. But basically, one of my friends tagged EVERYONE in the group chat he's in (I used to be in it before I left, I felt no one wanted me to be in there anyway), and he tagged everyone EXCEPT for me. I felt a little bit insulted, but it wasn't that bad. I mean, I guess it shows that i'm not really fun to be around it.

And I think that's what has been going on a lot. Some people that I used to hang around with too, I haven't done a lot. Honestly, in that group of people (one from the group chat) I don't think I belong there. Or with any of them to be honest, because I haven't really talked or hung out with them before a whole lot. In layman's terms, i'm basically the third wheel of that entire group. It sucks really. Sometimes it feels like everyone I know just doesn't want me to be around, and they're not saying anything to me just to be nice. If i'm wrong about this, then that's only good news for me. I swear, it's like i'm in my 40's sometimes. I don't know. Maybe i'm just too mature or too serious for some of my friends, if they consider me to be one anyway. I shouldn't be too surprised I guess, because it's High School. I already talked about this before so I don't want to repeat myself.

Just that sometimes I wish that people could show that they actually care about me in general. Sometimes it just seems like i'm there, not involved with them, not invited to anything, but just there, you know? I would appreciate if they would just be honest with me, seriously, why is it so fucking hard to be honest? I'm only a fucking kid, it's not like you would get in trouble for being honest to a child. They aren't an authority figure or anything. Do they think i'm gonna go fucking cut myself if they're honest with me or what? Do they think i'm sensitive or something? Whatever the case may be, I don't even notice when something offends or insults me anymore. I just want my diploma already. It used to be that I showed up for my friends, to enjoy each others presence, all that fun stuff. But now that it seems that no one really ever did care about me, I just want to get my fucking diploma and leave this fucking place already. All I do with one of my friends is just sit at the table at lunch with him, show him a couple things on my phone, and sometimes walk with him after school to his house. He (and everyone else) never invites me to anything, wants to hang out, or at least just fucking have a goddamn conversation. I never get messages, never added to any special group chats like everyone else, or ever acknowledged in any way, shape, or form. And i'm sure if one of my friends saw this whole blog i've made they wouldn't give two shits about it. At most, they'd only feel bad. But that's all they'll do, feel bad. Everyone is biased towards me now. I might've been fun to be around, but now everyone doesn't give a shit about me anymore. I guess I can just become an outcast who only gets good grades, goes home to sleep, and comes back each school day to repeat the process. I did that for 9 years, I can do it again for another 2.

And yes I know, i've been putting WAY too much personal information on here. And yeah, I apoligize. I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this, not even my closest friends. I mean, I at least have a few that I can trust, or feel that give a shit about me. Also, i'm sorry for cussing so much in this blog. I'll probably censor some it, or all of it, I don't know. Plus, even if I talked to my friends about this, i'd probably bore them, or make them think that i'm some kind of attention whore or whatever. Honestly, I just feel a little broken. I really don't enjoy high school, not all of it anyway. The only place where I feel comfortable is probably TSA becuase no one judges each other, no one hates each other, and there isn't any room for drama, the way I like it.

I might not have some of my friends to talk to, but at least I have myself. Sucks I guess, I don't really care anymore. Maybe it's just mood swings or hormones, I don't know. I'm not a girl so I don't have a period or nothing LOL, but guys go through emotional changes too. Maybe i'm just going through that phase. If that's the case then I really, really, really hope that it goes by quickly. I know that i've ranted about them before, but in the end, the fact that they've made me feel comfortable and happy is all that matters to me. They can leave me now, and although I would be broken, I would still be happy about all the things we've done together, no matter how much or how little we've actually done anything together. There's a message that one of my friends sent me a few months ago. I won't show it or say what's in it, but whenever I look at it, it always cheers me up, no matter what's happened.

Thanks guys.

__________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 17, 2016

Ok so I might actually be able to get the Xbox One. Originally, I had $140. Then my friend let me borrow $50 from him (Thank you so much if you're reading this), then I made an extra $30 on saturday. Then my cousin payed me $10 for paying for his food about 2 months ago. I know it's not accurate but in total I have about $245. Then by trading in everything I tried to trade in before, it should add up to well over $350. Also, when you buy an Xbox One, it comes with a Gamestop $50 gift card. So in total, I would have $380, so left over from purchasing an Xbox One, I would have about $10 (because of taxes) meaning that I could hopefully get 1 game. This will be a difficult choice. There are lots of games I want to get. But it's a choice between:

Black Ops 3

Doom

Overwatch

Also if I do my system transfer from my 360 to One, I might be able to redownload some games for free since I bought them on 360 and they're on One. I'll see this week. The only concern I have is of that battery pack and HDMI, but now that I know what I need to bring, i'll just fix all of that. I hope to God that everything goes as planned, I still don't understand why it's so damn hard for me to get an Xbox One. Whatever, if everything goes to plan, then I should have an Xbox One by Sunday of this week. Alright, laters.

Ok so i've updated this blog at 3:28 PM the same day here in TSA. Anyway, some student named Clayton needed $50 for a down payment to be in Baseball here at the high school. I'll explain in a bit, but if you don't want to know the full story then skip this next paragraph here:

So me and him were messing around in 3rd period for Construction 1B and I told him i'd give him $250 if he deepthroated a hammer. I actually only had $235 on me at the time but it didn't matter (because I wasn't going to give him it anyway). So he does deepthroat the hammer handle (technically), and then he demands I give him the money. I told him I lied and we started messing around in an argumentive fashion for a bit. Anyway, that's when he asked me if he needed it.

So after I told him to deepthroat the hammer (and I didn't give him the money), he asked me for $50 and that he could pay me tomorrow. I didn't trust him considering that I just made him deepthroat a hammer for nothing. Then he starts nagging me for the money. Funny really, I ended up lending it to him. Then I asked him for it back because "I wanted to see if it was real". Then I took back the money.

See, I don't like lending anyone money, except for maybe like 1 or 2 people (they're the exception). Because then after I "lent" Clayton the money, some random dude OUT OF NOWHERE asks to borrow $5 and he'd pay me back (definitely not sketchy at all, right?). Naturally, I told him to fuck off. He did, good for him.

Ok so now I really just need to get the Xbox One. I have enough (with trading in my things), but still though, my experience at Gamestop only worries me that i'll either get ripped off or just screwed over. Not this time though, i'm planning on not taking any shit from them and being an aggressive customer. See, I had the app with me last time in Gamestop on Saturday, but I didn't show any of the trade values all my things actually are. I didn't show them because I thought they wouldn't make any difference but i'm sure that they do. They definitely will speed things up a bit and I can actually correct the stupid clerks becuase they don't know anything. They're only there for the paycheck i'm sure, they don't care about anything else. I'm also trying to interest my brother into purchasing my 3DS from me for the same trade-in value at Gamestop. I hope he does, because honestly I don't want to trade it in, mainly because I use it as a controller in Smash 4 and so that I can still play smash bros. with my friends every once in a while.

Also I keep saying these things about my friends and all in my previous blogs (not all of them of course, just some) but in reality, when i'm there with them in person, I always have a different opinion about them. I'm more of a reality friend than a text friend really, either that or some of my friends act differently on social media than they do in real life. I'm not going to try and think of all the things I THINK they're doing, rather than just focusing on what's going on here and now. Alright, well laters.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 19, 2016

Once again i'm updating this in 4th period, even though I should be working. Honestly, i have a 37% in this class (F), so I should be working. However, I felt that I needed to come back to this blog for some reason. I'm going to be doing things over the summer so I don't know if i'll have time to update the blog. Either that or i'll just be lazy about it.

As mentioned beforehand, I only need a battery pack cover for an Xbox 360 controller in order to get the Xbox One. Literally so close in my grasp. Not only that, but the TSA Senior Party is on Saturday so I also plan on going to that. I was supposed to bring a Pinata to the party filled with Hot Wings, but there's no way in hell i'm spending $80 on freaking Hot Wings of all things. I'll only bring the Pinata I guess, but the problem is that my parents know I have money, so they're not willing to spend any of their money to get a Pinata. I hate when they do that, the chance I get ahold of my own money, they expect me to pay for everything I would normally want/need. Mostly everything I desire is usually a want, but for things like this, I need it because I signed up to bring it. Also we were planning on having "a Satanic Ritual" but i'm sure that's just for laughs.

Also, I NEED an Xbox One. Kind of, but not really. See, i'm hoping that by getting an Xbox One, i'll be able to not be such a boring friend to my other friends considering all I do with them is hang with them during school hours. But I also don't need it since it's really just a machine, but still, I definitely need it way more than I want it. I need this and deserve it, I have never asked for anything in around 6 years so it's only fair.

Ok, well laters.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 20, 2016

So apparently a Pawn Shop, of all things, is my last resort for not getting ripped off from Gamestop. My cousin, Emilio, told me about it. He said that's where he sold his PS3 to get money for the PS4. It's here in Sunnyside as well so that's even better. However, this is just a long shot. It's no guarentee that the guy will even buy my Xbox 360, or my 3DS. Only time will tell I guess.

Alright, bye.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 21, 2016

My closest friend might be moving away. I'm considering antidepressants again (I have Chronic Depression and have to take them whenever I feel depressed). I've taken them before, I mostly had VIIBRYD, but I guess I can finish my last bottle. I have a few left, but it should help for now. He told me that it isn't set in stone yet. I just really hope that he doesn't move. I'm considering deleting this blog. It's done nothing but waste my time and severely depress me. I consider him my best friend honestly, he was the first. Whether or not i'll update this blog ever again is a question I will consider.

_________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 23, 2016

Well after a day and a half of wallowing in self pity I feel a lot better now. I did get cheered up yestarday though, because I finally got the Xbox One. It came with Gears of War: Ultimate Edition and Rise of Tomb Raider. I also got to chose any game from Gamestop to come with it, for FREE. Everything went absolutely smoothly yesterday. The clerk was super likeable. She was a woman, and yet she did better than the guys who work there. Not sexist or anything so don't get triggered. I mean that most of the guys who work at Gamestop usually know what they're doing because they mostly play games too as well and they can relate to the customer. Doesn't matter. Anyway, I chose Black Ops 3, but my first thought was of Doom. I could've gotten it, but most of my friends aren't into Doom. And a certain friend in particular wasn't going to get it. He plays Black Ops 3 so naturally I had to get it. That crosses off one game on my wish list. Now I need to get the next games listed here:

Destiny

Doom

Overwatch

Grand Theft Auto V

Minecraft: Xbox One Edition

Terraria: Xbox One Edition

Oh yeah, also my Dad lent me $40 to pay for the rest of the Xbox One. See, I was going to trade-in my 360 but I didn't want to bring all the other crap with it (i've mentioned it before in this blog). Overall, I feel a lot better. I have ELA testing this week so everyone BUT me will have 3 days of late start. Everyone who doesn't have English Honors 10 anyway. Yeah, i'm a sophomore so I guess you can guess my age. It's not like i'm some cringey teenager, i'm normally just chill.

It must've taken at LEAST 3 hours to finally get back home and use the Xbox One. One problem though was that I had to update it. The update LITERALLY took almost 3 fucking hours. After that, I set up the rest of it. I also updated my controller (yeah, you can update them for some reason), and I also have to update Black Ops 3 in order to play it anyway. I thought that if I took out the disc and left the internet on (while the One is off) that the backround download would take effect and download the rest of the update. The next morning I found out I was wrong. I left the BO3 disc in the One this morning turned off with the internet on, so i'll see if it will HOPEFULLY update on it's own. I'm not going to TSA today (I think) so hopefully my Dad can take me home early and i'll have the house to myself.

And honestly, I feel bad for actually being interested in Infinite Warfare.

Also I did think about deleting this blog, but i've put too much into it to see my (almost) daily work gone just like that. It can give me something to reflect on.

___________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 24, 2016

I finally got done with my first session of English Language Arts testing. However, I still have 2 more days to go. The first section didn't really seem to be difficult though. My Honors 10 teacher said that this test was not like other tests, and that it was "out to get you." Then again, it is only the first session. I was able to take a quick peek at the next sessions (even though i'm not supposed to) and I saw that there were a lot of writing sections. I'm guessing this is the debatable part of the test that my teacher talked about. I'm not worried about it just yet, but we'll see.

I've been a little frustrated with playing Black Ops 3. I installed it while the internet was off so it didn't update and install at the same time (I saw on a forum that said it supposedly makes it 4 times slower). I played a bit offline, in all honesty though, I like it. In reality, I think the reason people say they don't like the new Call of Duty games (like Infinite Warfare) is because they haven't played any of the recent ones. My friend played every CoD game past Ghosts so maybe he knows what i'm talking about. I just think it's fun to play. Yeah, the directions of the game are getting shitty, recycling futuristic things. But still, every CoD game is fun to play. The games themselves I guess, can be bad? They're always fun to play though, but like I said the direction they're going in isn't great *cough* recycled warfare *cough*. I really wish that Call of Duty would go back to it's roots though. Whatever, we'll see in the next few years.

Anyway, I left the internet on all night (around 8 hours of sleep for me), and this morning the update was only at 47%. Either my internet is shitty (most likely) or the Xbone is shitty (unlikely). I do live out in the country of Grandview a little, so perhaps that's why. Anyway, I left the internet on when I went to school this morning. Hopefully, when I come back the internet is still on and the game will have finished updating. I've literally had to wait 2 days just to play Black Ops 3, and even then all I did was freerun and a few bot games of TD. I'll get back to this blog tomorrow, or in a few days. I've gotten a bit annoyed of updating it nearly every day, but I think I should wait every few days to update it, just to have more things to talk about.

__________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 26, 2016

Well for the past two days i've been waking up an hour early before my usual awakening time on the weekdays in order to play Black Ops 3. I feel like i'm already making a bad habit of playing it. Honestly the game itself is kind of, if I can describe it in a flavor, vanilla. The game feels incomplete, just a LITTLE bit. I just think that it's because I haven't bought any DLC.

And that's why I hate almost every game these days, almost all of them have DLC and half the time it's not even worth it. The only exception that I would make for BO3 would be to get the Eclipse DLC just because of Zetsubou no Shima.

I probably won't get any DLC soon, mainly because I spent all my money on the Xbox One.

So far I don't like it as much as the 360. The main issue I have with it is the fact that when you try to play a game on a disc, it doesn't just play it when you put it in. You have to (get this) install it onto the system.

Not only that, but if it needs an update as well then it's going to take another few hours for you (it took days for me). My internet is bad, we have CenturyLink at my house. Updates were a lot faster on the 360, but I guess that's because the games weren't as huge. Black Ops 3 was over 50 GB in size. That's already taking up around 1/7 or 1/8 of my 500 GB drive already. It said it came with 500 GB, but really when you buy a console, except at least 50 GB to be taken off of that. That's because the system that runs everything is installed onto the drive, so that takes up a lot of data.

I really wish I got the Terabyte bundle though, that one came with a mic at the least.

My main issue is that I will run out of Xbox Live Gold next week because that's when my 14-day trial ends .-. but I guess I can sell my 360 (somehow). I don't think anyone will buy it anyway, lots of people are moving to next gen for some reason now that i've gotten One. The weekend is coming up soon, that's when i'll play BO3 with everyone else (hopefully). Funny really, my parents combined make $120k per year and yet it seems we don't even spend half of that. I understand we have bills, but I doubt that we don't have enough to at least spare a little for me (not to be selfish or anything). Ok, now I just need Terraria, Minecraft, GTA 5, and Destiny. Maybe. I'm not so sure about it.

My Xbox One gamertag is the same as my 360 one (Gamingmonkey17). I MIGHT change it, but i'm not so sure yet. I'll have to see.

Ok, laters.

__________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: May 27, 2016

I ended up asking my friend (one of the admins) to let me borrow a copy of Black Ops for the Xbox 360 that I sold to him. I wanted to install it but it turns out I need the disk even though I installed it on the Xbone anyway. I'll have to buy it off of him, I sold it to him for $5 so it shouldn't be too hard to buy it back. Of course if he says no then i'm ok with that as well.

I also made a Facebook page called "Over-Saturated Memes With A Hint of Milk and Lemon. Once (or three times) per day i'll post some dank memes and videos. I'll probably get most of them from 4chan. I hope it will get at least a thousand likes, like those other meme pages with almost 10,000 likes. I don't want to make money off of the page (I don't think I can anyway since i'm below 18), but it would be fun to have a page that people follow. I also follow Fresh Memes about the Mojave Desert and other Delectable Cuisines. They're the ones who made up "dat boi". Also, here is the link to my facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/AMemeADayKeepsTheAutismAway/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

Till next time.

_________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: June 1, 2016

It's June I still need to pay off my friend for lending me the $50 towards the Xbox One. I gave him $10 so far (that I won in a Smash Tournament in Grandview at Hazely's Realm, cool place you should check it out), and my Dad was going to give me $20. It's an interesting story about how he's giving me the money really.

See, this memorial day weekend we went to Seattle to visit my sister, Victoria. We went to some festival or whatever at the Seattle Center and inside of one of the buildings there was people playing German music (I swear it sounded just like Mexican music). My Dad told me that if I danced with my Mum that he would give me $20. I hesitated for a bit, but then I thought "why not? it would only help me to pay back my friend." So I did.

I do not know how to dance, like at all. It's not my kind of thing.

Anyway, I did, then he gave me $20.

But I didn't keep it for long. My Dad was going to buy a spot by my sister's apartment to park the car overnight. It was $10, and none of us had $10. I did, two of them from the $20. And, for whatever reason, I lent my dad the money (which I still have yet to get back). He payed the toll to park overnight.

Anyway, the schedule for today at my school is pretty weird. All of the classes are only 40 minutes instead of 65 like usual. We have a moving up assembly to go to for the Seniors that are graduating. I'm still considering skipping it, mainly because I do not really care about them graduating. Plus, they have all these cringey things that they do during assembies. I get that we need to have school spirit and all, but I just wish that they would find a less cringey way to do it.

Even if I decided to skip, I don't know where I could possibly go. I can't leave the school because i'm sure that I could get caught. One of my friends is going to skip since his Dad is going to pick him up. Honestly, i'm kind of considering asking if his Dad would pick me up as well. I really don't feel like sitting on my ass for two hours doing nothing but hearing everyone else being loud. Plus, I could go to my friends house and just wait for school to get over.

I'm sure he'd let me, but i'm not sure if his parents would.

We'll see. I'm 3D printing him a character from a game he is playing (constantly) called The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth. I'm sure he'll like it. It will be done in about 2 hours or so, I think, from the time i'm updating it. The filament i'm using is black. I'm not going to bother painting it (I never paint anything I 3D print). Overall, things are getting a little better. I still need to fix my grades before school ends though. Need at least a B- for all my classes. I did have trouble sleeping last night though, for personal reasons that i'd rather not discuss.

I'm also going to try and learn how to create electronic music now that i'm officially into that genre of music. I know it won't be easy, and it will take a lot of time, but it will be worth it. I would make it a career if it was successful, but then again I doubt it will become my career.

I'll try to update this blog over the summer. See ya.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: June 7, 2016

I need to fix my grades soon, considering that there is only 4 days of school left. I don't need to worry about English, Algebra, or Construction though. But I am worried about my 4th period. I have an F in there, and it's just an elective.

I'm updating this blog just before the bell rings in two minutes so sorry if I didn't give you guys enough update info.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: June 27, 2016
Well it's been well over 2 weeks since I last updated this blog. I'm guessing this will go to show how often it will be updated over the summer. I apoligize if anyone has been waiting for an update (probably not). I'm pretty sure i'm the only one who's been reading this, it doesn't matter to me if no one cares to read it or not.

A lot has happened these past 2 weeks. Also, just a disclaimer, i'm editing this on my phone so forgive me if the format or text is off.

So as of this moment i'm in Washington DC with my mum. I had to go because of school/educational reasons so I might post about them another time. I've had a mic on Xbox One ever since the day after the last day of school. My friend told me we ccould play on Xbone when I got a mic. I did, and I was waiting for him to get "online" but it took me about a week and a half to figure out that most of the time he was pretending to be offline (if you read the last update I went into more detail about it). I figured it out literally a day before I left to DC so that didn't help either. It seems like everytime I tell him about the subject he tries to change the subject or just avoid it. Maybe he already knows we can play online now so maybe there's just no reason to ask.

So here in DC it's been a somewhat equal balance of fun and educational, obviously. We're staying at a Holiday Inn. So far i'm enjoying the places i'm going to. I went to Mount Vernon (George Washington's home), the Ford Theater (where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated), the Arlington Cemetery (my favorite so far), and the Holocaust Memorial Museum. I liked the Arlington Cemetery because that's where the exchanging of the guard takes place. In short, every half hour or so a ceremony of around 3 soldiers takes place (it's absolutely super quiet the whole time). Basically, the guards switch places, 1 of the 3 inspects the newly switched guard's weapon in a very demonstrative way (what I mean is that he did things like spin the rifle 360 degrees in his hand). I thought it was cool. There was also a room where the president would discuss issues, the area was pure marble and looked like the Roman Colosseum. There was a big chair in the front and I sat in it. It felt pretty cool considering how many seats there were.

I'm gonna go to the Bureau of Engraving later, which is where all US money is made.

Hopefully I won't wait another 2 weeks to update this crap again. Good bye.

_________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: July 2, 2016

I haven't updated this blog for a while, and for good reason. I know no one sees this blog so I know I can be honest.

I haven't felt good, like at all for about a month. Not physically or anything. I've just been alone since summer started. I try to hang out with people but it just doesn't happen. Either they forget or they say their busy. It's worse when you see them clearly not busy and they really don't forget, they just don't care. I'm always at home a lot, and even then i'm alone at home almost every day. That's probably what i'll be for the rest of my life. It honestly doesn't bother me too much, especially when I remember the facts about myself and my life.

There's always someone who's had it worse than you.

I don't know, i've been a lone person ever since elementary. I never like to talk about elementary school, like at all, even with those closest to me (not like they'd be interested to try and help me out with it or anything, I always bottle up feelings anyway). Like I said since one sees this blog this is pretty much the only place I can talk about personal things.

My time in elementary was what I could possibly call a living hell (obvious overdramatization). I still remember how I used to get pushed around, get made fun of, teased, and get my ass kicked. I never told my parents about any of it, mostly because I believed they couldn't make it better, but I do wish that I did tell them so I wouldn't have to go through so much shit. Normally i'd have a hard time telling a person these things but since it's the internet I don't really care.

I went to Washington elementary school in Sunnyside, WA. I used to transfer schools a lot (lord knows why). I had kindergarten in what is now the Lincoln Office Building in Sunnyside by the St. Joseph church.

My first grade teacher was Ms (or Mrs.) Van Gaver. She was alright. I remember we would have a nap time every once in a while and we watched movies a few times. Funny really, I still remember Eric Gutierrez. Basically he was my bully (until he moved away 2 months before school ended). He was about 5 inches taller than me and he had dark brown hair. He tried to act like I was his "best friend" and he always pissed me off, but he did it in a bully like way. He would always use every opportunity to try and be near me just to kick my leg or pinch my sides or mock me, whether when we would need partners for something or just to try and be a teacher's bitch (excuse me I mean pet). I was really short back then (just barely over the 4'6 mark) so I can see why I would get bullied over the next few years. I only hit somewhat of a growth spurt the summer before 6th grade. I remember one time I had a dentist appointment after school. Since Washington Elementary was near to the dentist place my mom called the school to have them tell me to go there. School got out really late (3:45 pm). After my appointment was done I went to wait by the school, and it just so happened that Eric was there with another kid (I don't know his name but he had lighter brown hair). Basically they punched and kicked me in the stomach for a bit until they had to leave. I wouldn't say it was my worst experience but it was definitely up there. Eventually the bullshit stopped when, as said before, he moved away.

2nd grade wasn't as bad. I had a really nice teacher, Mrs. Marro, and she was like the definition of a nice teacher.

I had moved to Pioneer Elementary school.

I don't remember much but I think that's when I had my first "friend". His name is Ronaldo. We just mostly shared common interests and talked to each other at school, never did anything outside of it though. I don't know if it was the right year, but I do remember I won a coloring contest. The drawing was a sun and somehow coloring it the exact colors of the sun gets you 1st place. I won a giant hershey bar and consumed it all like a monster, but I ennded up throwing it up later. Bad memory, but still funny and it somehow makes me smile.

Anyway the bullying actually started around 5 months after school started. I don't remember what his name was but all I knew was that he is literally the biggest asshole you could find on the planet. This fucker made fun of my glasses, my height, my interests, my grades (which were all A's so it made no fucking sense), and even my goddamn name. He even tried to insult my family but he did horribly at it. We sat next to each other unfortunately, I remember one time he had a pencil and just jabbed it into my sides. I didn't bleed or anything but it left a bruise for about a week.

You're likely thinking "wow, the only problem here was that you were a pussy". And honestly you're probably right, I was young(er), stupid, weak, and never knew what to do for anything. Basically a social outcast.

I had yet another bully (wow it seemed like I got a new one each year). His name was Moses. I really wanted him to burn in hell, like literally. The only experience i'll (briefly) talk about is about how when I was sitting down, looking at grass outside. He saw me and begin saying stuff to me that I don't want to talk about. Basically, he started petting my hair, beating me up, and other things, basically making me his bitch. I was really good at hiding my injuries. I don't have PTSD or anything but it was definitely something I didn't want to remember.

4th, and 5th grade progressively got better, but I was still frequently made fun of and something beaten up. I eventually fought back one time but that didn't end well. Some kid in 4th grade bit my (fucking) face as hard as an alligator, and I still have a scar there (if you can even see it).

Bullying finally stopped AFTER 6th grade (yes even in middle school I was bullied). I won't mention his name, as his reputation has gotten a lot more positive. But I had him in Mrs. Welniak's class in Sierra Vista. Basically he started to criticize everything I ever did and generally just started being an asshole to me ever since I snitched that he had his phone out. He ended up getting punched by some kid named Ramon, and the justification for what he did, in his own words, was "cuz he was bein gay". He only punched him once but he started crying softly and I ended up taking him to the nurse despite how much of a dick he was. He stopped bullying me after that. Funny really, one of my future friends (who says he doesn't remember) threw away a cup of water I had on my desk into the sink and he said it was because, in his words, "I made a promise to myself" or something like that. He'll say he doesn't remember, but I have the best memory. I already forgave him about it a long time ago anyway.

And mainly my friends are probably the reason why i've not felt good at all these past few weeks, becuase I realise i'm not as significant as I used to be to them. I remember my friends used to constantly call me, want to talk to me, and I would go to his house almost every week (literally) for all of 6th grade. Whenever i'd get on Xbox Live he'd always invite me to play online. I guess things change. We started to go visit each other less and less, play online less and less, and overall just hang out less and less. And honestly, I feel the only reason we're still friends is because I sit at the table at lunch with him at school. Honestly it just seems like i'm a burden on him now, and that he has no interest in being friends but just can't say it. I have faith that he does want to be friends still, and I have my trust in him, but I can't just not think this, especially since now i'm the only one of us two who will start a conversation or want to do anything. I understand that throughout life you meet new people, and that friends will come and go, but not being friends anymore probably wouldn't bother him too much, but it would really fuck me over. It's mostly because he was my first real friend, and how much it meant to me to finally have a friend after getting shit on for so long and finally feeling like people care about you, finally have someone have interest in you.

My Chronic Depression is really just an anchor on my life. At times it can get to a point where it physically hurts on the inside, and the only way I've made it stop or feel better is beating my chest or hyperventilating.

Well that's the story of how I was a cuck in elementary, and why I never talk about it with anyone. They say keeping your feelings bottled up inside is bad, but i've done it for 10 years, so the rest of my life probably won't hurt. Funny really, the one time I finally update this blog in weeks and it's all depressing and stuff. I just don't want to go back to being the same alone person again that's all, but I also want my friends to actually still want to be actual friends, not school friends, and if they don't then that's fine, because i'm used to not having friends, it's not like they owe me anything. It honestly feels like i'm just buying friendship now by giving him stuff and just buying something for him when he needs it, not worrying about how much money I spend on him. We likely won't be friends for long, I think. I'm just trying to enjoy the fact that we still talk to each while I can. I'm just concerned because i'll likely have no friends after high school. Nobody ever has contact with anyone during the summer (as far as I know) and if it's going to be that way after graduation then i'm not sure what to think. It all comes down to me, this is my fault that most of my friends are growing apart, I just wasn't a good enough friend I guess. I'm too uninteresting I guess, or fun, or whatever you want to call it. They're not to blame.

You know I might not have been poor or anything. Materailisticly i've had a wonderful life, and a loving family, but my social life has been very scattered.

____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 6, 2016

You know, after 15 years, my Dad finally gave me some advice that I could benefit from. "You need to make your friends need you in order for you to need them", and something like "If they don't want to be your friend then tell them to screw off, find new friends who actually care about you", something like that anyway.

I just finished reading my whole blog, the beginning actually sounded like a real blog but later on, especially in the summer, it just got completely gray. Literally these past few updates have been nothing of depression, and in reality it makes me cringe. This is not who I am, honestly. I don't know if emotions just get the better of me sometimes, but in order for me to actually realize something, I need to be in a neutral mode if that's the word(s) for it. For ex. if I was depressed about an issue, I might just assume the worst of it, solely because of that depression. But when i'm just in a normal mood, I don't assume the worst. I really don't know how to put it into words but that's about the best I can do. I think it's about time I actually talk about what's been going on in my life instead of just bitching and griping about emotions.

Jesus i'm getting distracted. I literally have my PC on standby for the last 20 minutes because I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher. It's basically a guy giving his satire view on political issues and basically anything media related. Pretty funny guy, especially on his opinions about Donald Trump.

I think that Trump was fun to begin with, but now I think America is starting to get serious and vote for Hillary. The ride on the Trump Train was really fun but it's pretty much over. It's funny, I even bought 2 trump shirts and a "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" hat (which I still have by the way).

I just got back from 2 parties that my relatives had. I didn't really pay much attention because at both parties I basically just walked around town trying to find pokémon on Pokémon Go. I saw a Snorlax nearby, but I never found it. I hate that Niantic thought it was a brilliant idea to get rid of step tracking COMPLETELY instead of fixing it. It makes finding pokémon a lot harder. But I do kinda understand, as Pokémon Go is trying to go for realism (I think) so if pokémon were real, there'd be no way to have a radar telling how far or close they are.

My sister, Sasha, has been letting me drive around with her to find pokémon. This is very cool considering that I can't drive (yet). I'll have my license soon I think. We drove mostly near downtown (ex. the hills, sunnyside pool). I found some pretty dank pokémenz. The best was jigglypuff. Also, there's a hill of houses about 1/2 mile away from my house. Me and my sister found Charmanders there, which was cool. Also today I found a squirtle, so now I have all 3 starters. I've taken down a few gyms and set up my pokémon to defend it, but it usually doesn't stay long since I still don't have any pokémon with over 1000 CP (Combat Power). I almost do, though, the strongest is a Flareon which I evolved from an Eevee that I got from an egg. I really hate Eevee now, they are very common, and I ended up FINALLY hatching my 10 kilometer egg (literally spent over 2 hours walking around town) and it turned out to be just another goddamn Eevee. I did evolve it and it turned into a Jolteon but overall I was majorly dissappointed. I was hoping for something awesome like an Aerodactyl. I'm level 12 so far, i'm able to take over some gyms but never able to hold them for more than a day. I live by a church that has 3 pokéstops near it (landmarks that give you items when you're near it) so that's very convinient. I'm probably gonna go their every morning from now on, just to get out of the house, and to try and defend my gym that I have there. It's about a 5 minute walk from my house, it's also in an area with lots of houses so I find VERY good pokémon there. Ok, maybe not VERY good pokémon, but definitely things other than Pidgey and Paras. I got a lucky egg today, so that's why I was able to level up twice. Lucky eggs give you double XP for half an hour so I just evolved lots of pokémon and hatched lots of eggs. I finally got some great balls instead of just normal pokéballs so hopefully I can catch pokémon with higher CP easier.

So far, I can't really complain about Pokémon Go because it's just a gift that we even have it. It's not perfect obviously, and it could use a few additions and fixes, but overall i'd give it 3.5/5, maybe a 4/5 even. I'm not dissapointed with the game at all really. However, I do wish it came out sooner so that I could've caught some pokémon while I was in Washington D.C since some are state exclusive.

That's about it for now, i'll definitely update it sometime this week, or the next. Laters!

__________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 9, 2016

Ok so yestarday I went to one of my friends parties that he had, it was cool but I also felt a bit out of place there. Mostly because there were mostly juniors and seniors. My friend is a Senior this year, I don't know why he invited me though. The one thing I did enjoy the most is one of the seniors (I don't know his name) had a DJ set and was actually DJ-ing music. Some of it I could tell was KC4K and some other generic stuff, but most of it I didn't recognize. It wasn't cringey or anything (from my perspective anyway), It was pretty fun. I don't dance obviously, but a lot of people were. I told my parents I was staying at a friend's house overnight so I just crashed at his place. Everyone managed to stay up later than I did, I woke up at around 2:30 AM and everyone was still partying. Everyone was stoned at that point. I know that the cops came earlier because of a noise complaint so they must've ended up waiting for them to leave before using out the drugs. I didn't take any of course I'm not stupid. Normally I would've left, but I felt that experiences like these only come around a couple times in a lifetime. This one girl kept insisting that we have sex but she was high (I thought you only do that when you're drunk). I said no obviously because: 1 - That would be wrong, and 2 - I knew her, before this anyway.

This guy I know called James ended up putting a fucking cone over my head while I was sleeping and I only noticed it after I woke up when it fell on my chest. The tip hit my sack so that hurt for a bit. I woke up pretty early, around 5 AM I think. There were around 20 people left, but overall I think there were at least 60 people who showed up. They likely went home after. The party wasn't really lame, but i'm definitely not party material, I'm more of being there for the crowd. More importantly I don't know how I was even qualified to be invited. I'm not THAT popular or anything (if popularity still exists), I'm just friendly with everybody. My parents ended up picking me up at 11. There were lots of cars outside, and I thought they'd think that there were lots of people over. The living room was a mess honestly, munchy crumbs and pillows everywhere. I came outside before they came to the door to knock because if they saw inside then they'd know. I honestly don't think they'd mind me going to a party but they'd probably be pissed at the fact that I stayed the night and didn't tell them there was a party.

You know i'm honestly just glad that I got to be around people after around 2 months. I mean, most of the time no one would talk to me unless I did so first. I'm not like an outcast like I used to be, or a nerd, or a loser or anything, but still, it surprises me that I actually got invited to something. The fact that i've only known someone for a short time, and they invite me to something like this makes me question the validity of some other friends I have who never want to do anything.

So not much other than the party has happened recently. I mean, I guess I can say that i've been trying to learn how to hack a Facebook, for recreational purposes of course, not to spy on anyone or see other's conversations. Just for fun, but I know nothing about hacking so i'll likely never get anywhere.

Honestly I think that this wiki is kinda dead. The only one who really does anything on here is me, and that's only because I have this blog on here. Meh, the inside joke of the Magic Hag between me and the admins is pretty much beating a dead horse at this point. I mean, it's pretty much lasted about 4 years at this point so it makes sense. I do enjoy looking back and seeing the progress of this wiki page though, it does bring back nostalgia. My birthday is coming up in 6 days but I don't plan on doing anything again, like last year. Honestly the day itself is not even special, it's just the day from 16 years ago where I came out of the womb. I mean, maybe if I actually had meaning then MAYBE it'd be worth celebrating? I don't know, I mean it's nice that i'm told by my family and a few other friends "happy birthday" knowing that they at least remembered. I mean, I do kinda feel bad if they forget but then again i'm not too important to anyone other than my family so it's understandable.

Even so, it's probably just going to be like any other day. I'll still have to do my chores, finish my resume, pretty much like any other day. I mean, i'm just getting older. I'm not even in my 30's yet and I already get depressed over the fact that i'm getting older. I never get anything for my birthday anyway, or any day for that matter, so that's also something not to look forward to. I really just wish people would just let it pass like any other day, just tell me happy birthday and that's it. Sometimes I feel loved by my family, sometimes I don't, so the day honestly has no meaning. Your birthday is SUPPOSED to be "your day" or something? But really, if anything, i'd just like to be left alone, that would be nice.

Ok i'll probably update this blog again soon.

_______________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 11, 2016

Some pretty significant things happened yestarday.

So I finally finished up my resume and began to apply at places in Sunnyside to see if I could get a job. I went pretty muuch at every fast food joint to apply (cheesy 80's movie plot). I got some pretty good stuff. The only places I couldn't work were Papa Murphy's and Subway. Honestly it sucks that I couldn't work at Papa Murphy's, i've wanted to work there mainly because it just seemed kinda cool. Plus I was looking forward to doing advertising. See, there's an arrow or whatever that employees hold outside pointing towards the store advertising some food or whatever. I thought if I did that I could do some funny shit with it (ex. do a bunch of hilarious over-the-top moves/stunts or whatever). I was also planning on applying at Carl's Jr. but for some reason, the age of employment is 16 but they were only accepting those 18+ years at the time. Doesn't really make sense honestly. About half of the places I applied to told me to just apply online and if I was qualified they would give me a call. I'm turning 16 in 4 days so by the time they possibly consider me i'll already be of working age. I went and applied at Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, and (I really didn't want to) McDonald's. Honestly I just want to start getting some paychecks this year. My parents are going to pay for my driver's ED and they already promised me they'd buy me a car IF my grades were better this year (funny enough it's easy to keep them at A's as long as you don't miss any work from the beginning of the Trimester). The kind of car I want to get is here, and yes they would really buy it. Most likely not brand-new though, probably just SLIGHTLY used:

2016 Cadillac - ATS Coupe - 2 Door, Black CHROME

I think that modern Cadillac's are pretty cool. I'm not a huge fan of classic cars, as I don't think they actually look that good. They're fine pieces of engineering for sure, but I don't like that whole old-style rectangular-horizontal shape kind of car. As long as the car is automatic, has speakers, and gets good gas mileage then i'm set. For a cadillac of course is what I mean. It would really make the last 2 years of High School fun, as it's likely the last time i'll be seeing most of my friends. It really is sad honestly, but nothing hits harder than life. Anyway, the only place that didn't require me to apply online was Burger King. Mostly i'll likely be working after school sometime at 3-ish? I was honestly kinda hoping for more of a shift starting at 4 so I could have time for TSA. I'll likely have to start showing up early in the morning now to get stuff done in there. I'll have about half an hour to work in there afterschool but nonetheless it'll still be hard to get things done. I'll have to juggle TSA AND a job. At least it would look good on my college application.

I just got done with my online interviews for McDonald's and KFC. I think I have a good chance of getting hired hopefully. I'm pretty social, i'm not shy or anything, and i'm (somewhat) confident. It would be nice to start getting checks as well. What i'll likely do is open up a bank account and just have my checks sent to it. I'll take half off of each check so I can save up (hopefully that will work). I just hope these next 2 years go by slow. I'm really going to miss everyone after graduation, unless of course we'll all be going to YVCC.

I'm also going to Seattle tomorrow. My parents say it's because of my birthday but really it's just for all of us just because we can't go anywhere for the rest of the summer. I'm only anxious to go is to see how many pokéstops are there in Pokémon Go. I hope there's a lot of them. If there are then i'll probably post screenshots of them here on the blog.

Alright, that's it for now guys.

______________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 20, 2016

Not much has happened recently. My birthday was a few days ago. My parents had to work, my sister had to work, and my brother went to go hang out with his girlfriend. So I was basically alone all day. I'm not upset that much. I mean I did get a cake but I was already asleep by then. Some people on facebook told me happy birthday but I do wish certain people did, if they remembered. I just played on Xbox Live for awhile. I couldn't do much because, like I said, I was home alone. No one invited me to anything (thank God) (that was sarcasm). I wish I could've at least talked to someone for awhile, that would be better than just staying home alone. All I can say is these past few days i've been thinking a lot. I just kinda feel like I should let one of my friends go. It's just complications is all, nothing that I would put on here though.

______________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 23, 2016

Today I had to go to the high school to get my personal chromebook or whatever it is. It's pretty cool that I have my own, hopefully I can use it for things other than school. Not like inappropriate stuff but things like downloading files and stuff for 3D printing. My friend was there, we were there for awhile just walking around the school talking and stuff. It felt pretty nice just being with him. What sucks though is that I have to spend the day at the school where my parents work, until 3 at least. At least i'll be registering for driver's ed today so that's pretty good. I hope this year will be fun unlike the last two. It might, I mean today was fun even though it wasn't very long and even then there wasn't many other students. Hell there wasn't even any school today.

Hopefully I can update this blog more often now that I have my own laptop/chromebook (not really sure what to call it). Honestly it will probably be annoying having to bring it every day to school. I just wonder if we'll get to keep these like forever. I don't know, maybe we'll have to give them back at the end of the year or something. It'd be nice if we'd just get to keep them but then again it does make sense I guess.

Also in case anyone cares to watch me stream games on Twitch every once in awhile then here's my twitch account link:

https://www.twitch.tv/nbp2000/profile

I'll mostly stream Black Ops 3 or Terraria, or at least until I get more games. My internet runs like a potato so the stream itself MAY lag sometimes. Whenever I talk and when I snap the Twitch app on my xbone it will say my mic is laggy or something? Also the weird thing about streaming on Xbone, whenever I do it at least, is that random people that I don't know start inviting me to parties or ask to join or something like that. Pretty weird honestly.

I've been working out for like a week now, my Dad bought me a workout bench (which I actually use surprisingly). It's honestly better than running. After a week my bicep (or tricep or whatever it's called) does feel slightly stiffer. I'll probably continue to work out for a while I guess. My friend was gonna come over to my house hopefully this week or the next (if he remembers to ask this time).

I'm gonna go grab lunch at Sakura Teriyaki and Sushi so i'll probably update this blog sometime soon hopefully. Laters.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: September 19, 2016

Oh crap, almost a month since I last updated. Welp, that's it. Laters!

_____________________________________________________________________________________ 

UPDATE: February 7, 2017

If anyone is even on this website anymore i'm sure you've noticed that I just posted my old blog, the one that I deleted, a little while ago.

The reason I felt that I make a new blog instead of continuing on my old one was because I felt that my last blog was filled with depression and bad vibes. I skimmed through some of it and noticed how much my life and attitude changed from then to now. The last update was sometime in September 2016 last year I believe. I think I had to make a new blog was because I just needed a fresh start, a new tone compared from last time. Honestly I feel like that my blog is the place where I can totally be honest about shit since I can't talk about to people (I probably would be able to but I never get into a situation where I can talk about things). It's definitely been awhile. 4 months or so I believe? It feels like i've spent longer than that away from it. I hate to start things off with a bad tone but things (as usual) haven't been that great as of recently, but not all of it has been like that.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this in the old blog, but my friend got back together with his ex-girlfriend, which is pretty nice. I'm happy for him, i'm glad someone can make him happy when I can't. I already knew why they broke up before (he didn't tell me, one of his friends did), I asked him why before and he told me it was just a break. I can understand why he lied about it since they just got back together it wouldn't be a good idea to dwell on the past. Anyway, the weird thing was is that she went to my high school but for the first Trimester and a half she wasn't here. I don't know if she was in college already or something (in your Junior year you can start doing college) but she never showed up until the half-way mark in Tri-2. I never asked her or my friend about it since it wasn't really anything that big.

What's more, now she has become a member of the group at my table meaning that she sits with us at lunch now. I really don't mind but usually it feels kinda weird when her and my friend are there. It's mostly an issue of giving them some privacy but it's also kind of weird since none of us can really talk to him when she's there since they mostly talk to each other. (I've never been a fan of being around couples, even when I had a girlfriend I would always show affection in private). It's only been a week but maybe we can all get used to this. She's cool, I had her for a class last year. We'll see how this goes on later in the year. It's going to be awkward though if she stops showing up so that's my only concern really.

I'm gonna do some Spanish test bullshit so laters.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: December 4, 2017

Wow holy shit, it's been 10 months since I updated this blog (also side note: fuck Spanish)

With apologies to anyone who (((doubtedly) reading this, much, much has happened these last 10 months. Since it's my senior year I don't really have time for doing things such as this (not only that but I totally forgot that this website existed). I look forward to talking about the events that have happened however.

I should definitely start with what happened in March. In short, I may or may not have had a girlfriend. I've had only one before so it felt weird being with someone else. I feel like I should start off with grill #1 before I talk about grill #2.

So a couple of months after my freshman year, I had this girl for a class (she was in my Algebra/Geometry class) named Hailey. We hit it off awkwardly at first (I was the awkward one) but overtime we grew to like each other. After about a month and a half I asked her out on a date. It's obvious where it went from there. I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes (something I felt so thankful for). Unfortunately, however, because 14 year-old me was still shy at the time, I asked if we could not necessarily keep things secret, but just rather private. The only person who [really] knew at the time was not my closest buddy but rather one of my other friends who saw us together at one point. He never asked anything he sorta just saw.

I couldn't have asked for anything else, I had everything I wanted: a loving, supporting, and caring girlfriend, excellent grades, incredible friends, again, I had everything. It took me (what I think) too long to finally meet her parents. Her mom, ironically, was named Hailey as well, her dad named Thomas (called him Mr. Tom). I did my absolute best to appear like an acceptable suitor (not marriage in mind obviously) and, somehow, it worked. I remember the first time I came over to her house, before I was about to leave her dad wanted to talk to me.

I felt unbelievably anxious, i'm sure it's a normal thing when you meet your girlfriend's parents. He asked me why I liked his daughter. I gave him the usual rhetoric, all of which I meant, being that I liked her for who she was and I wanted to be with her. He ended up asking me something that basically made my heart stop: he asked if we had sex. At this point in the relationship we probably could've (dated for about 4 1/2ish months now) but I was the type of person who waits longer than that in order to do it. He wanted the truth and told me not to lie to him. I told him no and that I was being honest.

Mr. Tom went on a lecture about the value of a girl's womanhood, and that he understands any (reasonable) decision she makes because she's young and needs to live life. Not that he wasn't totally gonna not have control over her, but in the sense that she knows how to make her own choices. Me and Hailey weren't immature we knew when we had to make the right decisions. Mr. Tom told me that his impression from me was that my intentions were honest and that I was an understanding and "honorable" individual. Although wholesome, I still felt that he secretly hated me and wanted to spy on us 24/7, which I do understand, but there comes a point in a dad's life where you have to understand privacy. I'm not a shitty person trying to use her.

Everything past that went well between me, her, and her family, until about February when Hailey told me some bad news: she was moving away. Her Dad dad found a really well paying job in Virginia of all places, he'd make around $140,000 a year as an electrical engineer. I did understand the reason behind it but obviously I was upset over it. I wasn't gonna try and persuade their family but I at least was going to make the remaining time between me and Hailey last. They would move in about a month (they moved in mid-March).

Hailey ended up telling me everything she felt, including that we should have sex before she left. I felt that because I would never see her again that I should take the opportunity. I was a virgin at the time so I was (obviously) nervous, but everything worked out fine. My first time with her (or ever) was really passionate and special, it's something that i'll never forget.

I didn't go with her and her family to the airport, the last time I saw her was the day before she left when I left her house. Her parents were visiting other family members at the time over-night kind of thing that week. I stayed the night at her house and left the next morning before her family came back. The whole ending of our relationship was honestly very weird to me, and I felt that these types of things shouldn't happen to me. We still talked to each other over the phone for a few weeks but I told her that I couldn't keep hanging on to her so I blocked her and deleted all of our photos. It really sucked for me since it was my first relationship but I knew the decisions I made were justified.

Okie dokie the moment y'all'st've been waiting for: story of grill #2:

So this was the beginning of Sophomore year for me. All of last year I would either go home or hang out with my ex after school, and since the latter option was no longer available, I would have to go home every day after school. I didn't want to spend the rest of high school doing nothing with myself, so I decided to find a club (or something) to do after school. My friend introduced me to this engineering/robotics club and it really appealed to me so I joined. At first, I felt a bit out of place since the only person I knew there was my friend, but over the coming months I would get to know everybody.

I was taking an Algebra 2 class and I met a girl called Z. I won't use her real name because I believe in privacy, plus we technically aren't supposed to talk about our situation to anyone, ever. For awhile I thought she was someone who I thought was kinda cute, but that's all it was for me, a thought in my head. Overtime me and her became better friends and we started talking to each other more. We had gotten along really well. Basically, the first year i'm there I just got to know everybody, how the club operates, and all the ins-and-outs. Nothing much occurs.

Then the second year i'm there (my Junior year) is where things get interesting. I saw her after school one day and saw me back. She said "Hi Daniel" as I was turning around and awkwardly said hi back. I just felt awkward because at that time we hadn't really talked to each other much since our schedules changed, but we did still talk though. We got into a conversation, at first about just catching up and then some other stuff as well.

She told me that she was feeling depressed for reasons that I can't put on here without violating her privacy. I told her that although we don't talk that much (as of recent at the time) that I'd always be there if she needed anything. She said thanks and gave me a hug which was nice. After that, I think that she began to feel like she could trust me with anything. In the coming paragraphs, you'll see why.

Around late March, I was talking to Z after school. I was talking to her about how I had to meet my parents in a couple of hours because we were going out of town. Then she said something really surprising, she asked me if I wanted to go to her house to "chill" until then. I had never been to her house before, nor hung out with her outside of school at that point, so I had said yes, just to see where things were headed. She wasn't driving yet so I took her there in my car. She sort of gave a tour of the home and asked what I wanted to do, I just told her that I'm fine with whatever she wants. She said she wanted to watch Stranger Things with me. I wasn't really into it that much (I don't really watch Netflix shows). We went to her room and saw a chair by her bed so I just sat there. She told me I could sit on the bed with her, I told her I was ok with where I was, but she insisted. After a while this is where things got interesting. Since I was sitting only a couple inches away from her she laid her head on my shoulders. I'm the type of person who only counts it as anything inappropriate (or sexual) if they grab the genital area, which she did by the way. She ended up turning off the TV and started groping me junk.

Honestly I shouldn't be going into as much detail as I am but I can't help it. She started unzipping my pants but before she took them off I asked her "Are you sure?", she didn't say anything she just nodded. But basically we got intimate.

Basically, after we were done we didn't say anything to each other, we just slept on the bed. She's home alone a lot like me so there was one thing we had in common at least.

We continued to do this for sometime. We didn't just have sex but we would do the things that most couples usually do, like if we were dating. We'd have date nights, go places, just the usual. I really enjoyed spending time with her. The best part about it was that her personality was unbelievably compatible with mine. Although we did have stuff in common we still believed and had interest in different things to a reasonable degree.

Although we weren't official (spoiler: we never would be), I still considered her to be my girlfriend. Things continued on like this until I started talking to my friend about it. He ended up coming to my house the last day of school just to hang out and such. We had never really had conversations about personal things between us until then. I told him to ask me anything, literally anything, and I'd answer it in total honesty. He asked some basic stuff so I just ended up breaking the ice and asking him something really personal. He lied at first, but in exchange for telling me I answered the same question, then he told the truth. In short, I told him that I wasn't a virgin (something neither of us knew about each other) and told him about Hailey. Because I kept my relationship with her private he, understandably, never knew about us.

After that, the floodgates for asking all sorts of things was opened. Because I was really getting into the subject of the things we were talking about I asked him to stay the night, he did.

So we stayed up late just talking about all sorts of things. I told him about me and Z's status. He didn't believe me but I showed him some messages between us, and even called her too, and he believed it. He suggested that me and her become official because it would mean a lot more.

I honestly regret not telling him the full story between us. I had only told him that me and her had sex once and that was it, but I feel like he would have been more understanding if I told him everything.

Over the next few months, every time he came over and every time we talked about her, I'd tell him a little more about the whole thing. He would ask me if I was trying to be official with her, and I ended up lying like a shit friend telling him I did. Honestly, call it shallow or whatever, but there was no reason to be "official", in my sense anyway. I had even asked her about it before we split if she'd care if we were official or not and she said she didn't care. I knew he was just trying to help, but in all honesty I felt like taking all the advice made things worse.

In October, she asked me to homecoming and ended up ditching me last minute which was upsetting. A week beforehand I asked her if she wants to be official and she said it doesn't matter, so I just kept it non-official, because I already had everything I wanted and (presumably) so did she. I would always ask her what her feelings were on anything and she'd always be honest with me, so I doubt she'd lie to me about being official. She trusts me.

I had one last IRL conversation with my friend about the status of me and her. He advised me that things would only get worse between us and that it was a toxic relationship. I didn't believe him obviously, but I felt that if me and her didn't split that he'd end up being right, kind of like when an adult gives a kid some advice and he doesn't follow thru, but in the end the adult ends up being right. So I told her that we should stop seeing each other, and it was honestly such a hard thing to do. I could sense the hurt that she was feeling, and although she didn't cry I could still hear her voice breaking. I did feel bad at first but over the next few weeks it just got worse, I felt pretty alone.

Honestly I feel like things wouldn't have gotten worse between us had I stayed with her, but I trust that my friend was right. I just don't understand because I felt so happy, I felt like everything was perfect.

So it had been about 3 weeks since we split and I found out I had a class with her. We ended up making up agreeing just to be friends, for now. Overall, things are currently fine. Relations with me and my friend are kind of "eh" right now (haven't really talked to him recently). I was gonna make him something for X-mas so hopefully that'll fix things between us. I'll keep this updated for sure now, if I have nothing to do. It's always great to have a place to be honest about anything I'm going through, so thanks website I guess. I'll update you later.

_________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: DECEMBER 5, 2017

Things have been awkward af lately.

I should have put all the events in the last post in chronological order, but because I'm lazy I'm not going to. Basically, as of late, me and my amigo haven't been really talking to each other and it's incredibly uncomfortable. I'm so used to saying hi to him in the halls and going to talk to him whenever I see him. My advisor no longer has a room for us so we have to share the same place (GYM) that my friend has for advisory. Again, I'm just used to talking to him whenever I see him but every time I want to, I get the urge not to.

Maybe I'm just clueless or something, or making overthinking it too much, but it's probably from our last conversation about her (Z). He seemed pretty pissed that I had been lying about trying with her to him this whole time, even saying stuff like "We're done" and "Don't even talk to me". He was talking about done and talking about the conversation but I thought he meant to apply it to us as friends.

I have talked to him after the argument (It was like a week ago) but it's mostly been small talk. Maybe things will get better IDK. Like I said in the last post, hopefully me making him something for X-mas will move this forward at least a tiny bit. Nothing much has happened lately, I feel like updating this daily isn't really a good thing because I like to give all the details at once. If anything, the highlight of everything so far (besides the argument, Z, and the other stuff mentioned already) is that I might have a job soon (hopefully). I asked if they were hiring at Little Ceasers and they have 2 open positions available. I submitted my application already so now all that's left to do is wait. I should probably call them to make sure they got my application because past employing interviewers have told me they never got my application until I called them to tell them I submitted one. Normally, I'd tell my friend about the position but working together with friends in business is never USUALLY a good idea, plus I'm not sure if he's busy with life at the moment to have time for a job. Like me, he should find out on his own. Not trying to be a dick or anything but you can't depend on other people.

Also side note, my new hated word is "Compassion".

Also, side note: I do apologize for the amount of detail in the last post. I just couldn't help it because I remember all of it so well.

That's all for now so k-bye.

_____________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: December 6, 2017

Just an update on the whole YVC stuff that I forgot to mention before and herenafter: I planned on taking those classes but I ended up deciding just to stay at the high school instead.

I'm pretty bored right now honestly. I should be doing my work for AP Statistics right now but I just feel like doing nothing. It's incredibly loud in here and I can't focus, sometimes I wish I had just opted out of Stats for an elective or something enjoyable. I have 5 math credits already and only 4 are needed to graduate, since I'm going to become an engineer I have no need for understanding statistics, as far as I'm concerned. People are talking on the phone, no one's doing work, people are sleeping, it's an environment that honestly pisses me off so much. There's only like 3-4 people tops (myself included) who are, or are attempting, to do their work. At first Stats seemed like it would be fun, maybe even easy, but after this last Trimester it's been anything but that. As aforementioned, my math credits already exceed the required amount. I already took Algebra, Geometry, Algebra 2, and Pre-Calculus/Trigonometry. I also have taken Electronics and Programming which can be counted as a math credit, making it a total of 5 math credits. After I complete Stats I will have had 6 math credits, which will, hopefully, make me look like I know basic math, which I do, it's just that I'm not great at higher level math (ex. pre-calculus).

Honestly I'm trying my best not to think about her but I really can't help it. I was so used to being with her and now that I'm not it doesn't feel right. Being just friends only seems to make things awkward. We don't just look and glance away at each other we do start conversation, it's just that I can't show affection or anything. I mean yesterday I was going to get my homework done but I never even wrote for a good 30 minutes because I just kept thinking about her. It wasn't this bad with Hailey, I got over it in like a month, maybe two months tops. I just hope that these feelings go away sometime soon so I can move on with myself.

It's honestly one of the main reasons why I can't wait to go to college: It'll be like a fresh start. I can turn over a new leaf and completely change who I am and get away with it because nobody will have known me yet. I feel like once I get to college I can truly be myself, the personal I've always imagined being. Not trying to sound condescending or anything but I feel like having grown up through school with the same people has limited who I've always wanted to be. I never wanted to be someone who would care what other people think, or be someone who would keep things private in fear of criticism. It's not even that I hate everybody here, it's just that I always felt limited because, again not to sound condescending, I felt that they couldn't understand people who were different. First impressions are always important, which is why I'll likely do a personality change once I get into college. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not, I'm trying to be the person I've always wanted to be. Just a chance to meet entirely new people from all sorts of backgrounds, and not "I was born in the valley and lived here my whole life" type of people. I feel like I could get a better experience with people, get a whole new perspective on society as a whole, instead of being limited to an area of 60-70 square miles. Seeing new people isn't the same, it's actually interacting with them that makes changes to you as a whole. Whether they're assholes, kind, appreciative, or pessimistic, as long as they're new that's all I care about.

It's kinda strange how I'm only thinking about all this now, in a time where I'm supposed to be completing a Statistics practice test while seeing everybody else off task. I've always been the type of person, privately anyway, who's curious about a person's life (ex. what their life story is). I always guess based on how the person looks, how they dress, how they speak, just every factor, and for about a good 60-70% of the people here, I've been right. I'm not saying everyone's the same by no means, but living in a place like this, people with similar backgrounds are bound to exist. Not to sound edgy or whatever, but I always wonder what goes through people's minds when they're having friendly conversation, thinking about how they wonder how their future will turn out. I've always wanted to see what people do with themselves proceeding the way they are now. I'm not in a rush to get old by any means. I even wonder this about myself: Whether or not I'll achieve my goals in life, or whether I'll fail. I do have a big fear of failing, but for the most part I'm confident about myself.

I think a big weakness for myself is that I never try to extend my inner circle. It's not that I have a problem with people talking to me, or vice versa, it's just that I've never felt the need to. Relationship wise, I feel the same thing. I've never had a problem asking a girl out or having a girlfriend, but it's just that with all the things I have going on in my life, and being able to be successful in them without a significant other, I've never felt the need to engage in relationships. I'm not even a loser by any means, I know I'm not, even with an outside perspective, but like I said I never saw a reason to. Just to make myself actually happy and to have someone who cares about me just as much, if not more, as I do? That's never appealed to me because I've always been an independent person. Whether it be with Hailey or Z I always knew that deep down I never needed the other person to survive. If anything, because they never had the same, or similar, judgemental personality as I did, I'd be more worried about them then they are of me.

It's kinda funny really, Z has told me before that I have a girl's way of thinking: overthinking, taking things too seriously, untrusting and almost stalking in a way. I would agree to her to a certain point, I do overthink things and take things more serious than they need to be. Maybe untrusting as well. I feel like the reason I can't really trust others is because I don't physically comprehend what their mindset is like. Although they may be trusting, unless I have their brain and can use it, I'll never know 100% for certain what their true intentions are. And yeah, I understand that not being trusting of others is a bad thing, but based on the way I grew up I can't really see why it isn't justified.

I'm not even sure what I'm going on about anymore. I've just been giving my philosophies on things as far as I'm concerned. For me, it's easier to say what I want on her than saying it to a person or IRL because I can express what I truly believe as fast as I'm thinking of it. If I were to say even half the things I've been saying on her to a person, I'd more than likely use words such as "like" and "uh" because I can't process as fast as I'm thinking. And holy shit, I've just realized how much I've typed. Unrelated, but I'm just hoping that I'll succeed in life, at least in the ways I want. I don't want a million-dollar house or an expensive car. I just want to do what I love for a job and possibly have a family. Although I know that I can be independent, I can't be alone the rest of my life, otherwise I wouldn't have dated 2 people (1 if you count official relationships).

Another guy with the same name as me just asked me what some good porn to watch is, I'm not even joking. Shit was funny but it got kinda cringey to me really quick. The first thing that came to mind was lesbian porn so I just told him that, but he said latina is the best. What even is this AP Stats class anymore?

If you were wondering, yes I did tell Z that I loved her, but the fact was that I probably only said it because a (partial) relationship was what I needed at the time for what I was going through. If anything, I'm thankful that I got some experience from it. I'm also incredibly grateful that we're still friends. It would have been awkward having to see each other every day and pretend nothing ever happened. Honestly, I think I'm good on relationships for now. I just need some time to myself. I know it's a bad idea, but depending on how things go between me and her, I may or may not want to get back together with her. The chances are highly unlikely, but for now it's just a thought that's in my head. Honestly, I'm glad that I spent this period doing this instead of my work. I keep things bottled up inside a lot so it always feels great to at least throw it all up somewhere, even if no one listens. It's amazing how the brain works.

Whether or not I'll update this tomorrow depends on if anything interesting happens. I don't want to update this everyday because, as I said before, I like for events and significant things to stack up to talk about in order. Anyways, for the rest of the period, I'll likely play games on my chromebook or just sleep. Scratch that actually, I'm wearing contacts. If you sleep with contacts, even for a little bit, they burn like hell. I feel much better now, a lot better actually. I got a lot to do after school today actually, but getting all this off my mind has taken the stress of. I'll just get everything done piece by piece I guess. Thanks website and creator, I'm glad I can put my thoughts somewhere. Laters.

Actually hold that thought. I'm updating this around 8:30 PM because I'm bored out of my goddamn mind again. It's not that videogames are losing appeal to me, maybe they are IDK, but I feel like I'm losing interest in the things I used to be in. Maybe I'm maturing or something. I enjoy visiting friends, playing videogames, staying up late, but I'm kinda losing the drive to do so anymore. After being with Z for awhile, I started realizing that there's more to life than this. I felt the same way with Hailey too, but I feel like I wasn't able to fully understand it because I was only 14 at the time. I have more of an interest of talking to people, doing work (that I enjoy) and overall learning more and more of how to prepare for my future. I guess it's just the excitement for college that I have building up inside of me.

Speaking of college, I've been doing Running Start this year. What it is it's basically doing college during high school while the school pays for it. I've only gone through one trimester of it so far and I can safely say it's easier than college. The master's degree I intend to get in Mechanical Engineering (Master of Science in Engineering) requires a 6-year training course. Since I will have had one year out of the way, I would only spend 5 years at college. I'm also reading a book to fully learn how to utilize a program called Autodesk Inventor. Once I finish the book, I can take an aptitude test where, if I pass, I get Autodesk Certified to use the program, and have Engineering Credentials added to my name. I've used the program for years now ever since I started taking Introduction to Engineering in my freshman year. What the program does is it allows you to 3D model, basically make anything you want. Lots of Mechanical Engineers and such utilize it to get a visual on the product they're going to make, as well as analyze things like Stress, Material usage, and other stuff.

I'm just taking the general classes at YVC to get them out of the way. I have Math 117 and ENGR 1 (CAD 1). I love creating things so much because it's always satisfying seeing a product of something you've worked so hard on. And honestly this is a personal thing, but it makes me feel powerful in a sense having the ability to create something from scratch. I'd like to think that I'm preparing myself fairly well for college. I've taken the SAT, filled out college applications, applied for financial aid and scholarships, just the usual. I look forward to what my future is like, I just hope I don't end up doing terribly and regretting everything. If anything I shouldn't show how enthusiastic I am about all this because it may come back to bite me in the ass later on. I'm definitely done updating for today so I'll update this some other time. Good bye, mates.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: December 11, 2017

Holy Shit time flies by so quickly I feel like I updated this blog yesterday but that was already 5 days ago. Not much has happened since in terms of events going on. Lately, I've just been thinking about Z a lot. Every time that I end up seeing her I just get reminded of how we used to be together and now we're not anymore. I know that I stressed about this a lot in the last update but I can't get her out of my head. As my friend described it, the situation I had with her was basically a drug. I just kept on going back to it despite how much I knew what I was doing wasn't (technically) right I guess (I can never understand why he antagonized me making it seem like I murdered someone when in reality I was just dating someone I was never official with).

I have a big paranoia that my friend is going to ruin things the way things are between me and her right now. I know that he sees her sometimes. I'm just paranoid that he'll try to give recommendations to her like "You should try giving (my name) another chance" or something like that. The problem with that, the big problem actually, is that Z told me never, under any circumstances, to tell anyone about what we had. It's not that she was embarrassed about it or anything, it's just both me and her didn't want certain people to find out. See, if certain people knew about what we had, it may or may not cause conflicts between us and them. I wish I could elaborate more with names and such but, again, I don't know if anyone from my school would see this and know who those people are had I given out names.

I hope my friend never talks to her, like at all. I know I shouldn't try to control who he talks to, but it feels super awkward knowing all the things I've told him and him just seeing her casually throughout the week. I'm sure he doesn't see her any different (if he even has any opinions on her, I'd prefer not to ask him) but again I'm just worried that something bad's gonna happen. I mean I trust that he wouldn't, but I'm never 100% trusting of anybody no matter who it is. Speaking of my friend, I got him something from a game we both play called Overwatch. It's replayablility is incredible. Anyway, I made him a very shitty lootbox from the game and I'm gonna put the present inside of it. It's basically this: It's called a Pachimari. Honestly it was all I could think of as a gift because, truth be told, I can't remember anything of what he's into. I guess it's the thought that counts. I would've actually made it had I known how to, but again it's the thought that counts. Even if he's disappointed I'm still glad for all the effort I put into making a shitty gift container. The lootbox is made out of cardboard and is formed and colored super awkwardly.

Doesn't matter though, still glad I at least thought of something original I guess. Again, it's all I could think of. Come to think of it, I've done a lot for him recently. I helped him pass 2 classes and he even acknowledged it. So far, as far as I can recall, I've done 2 major things for him so far (3 if you count the classes): Help him pass 2 classes and got him an original X-mas gift. I don't expect anything in return. Maybe just a little bit of attention or even a "thanks"? It's not that I crave attention it's just that I like hearing "thanks" or even getting acknowledgement from him. Usually, it's because it's really rare for him to say stuff like that. He's not a cold, heartless bastard or anything by no means but he's pretty vanilla when it comes to being thankful (as far as I'm concerned). I mean, the last time he ever gave me something (as a gift) was a wallet in 7th grade. We're both seniors now so that was around 6 years ago. I still have the wallet, but at this point it's so worn out that I'll just keep it as a memento of our friendship. He even told me I should just throw it away but I think it means more to me than it does to him. I'm not sure our friendship is fading out per se? But I think currently we're preparing to go our separate ways. I haven't really interacted with him much lately. I think the final talk about Z we had was the nail in the coffin for us, or maybe it's just me overthinking. See, sometimes we'll have an argument (I guess) and we won't talk for a few days, but after that time we go back to the way things were. It's a weird recurring thing and I've even told him about it. He's said that he only wouldn't talk to me because he had nothing to talk about and not because he was pissed off or anything which is pretty funny.

Speaking of Z, maybe I should get her something, just to be friendly. I don't feel like I should get back together with her or anything, but again because we're trying to be friends like we used to I feel like I should do my part a little better. She's done it a lot better than me since she's started talking to me more and making actual conversation rather than just doing small talk like I have recently. Jesus I can't even fathom why I split with her honestly.

I know this whole update is disorganized, jumping from one topic to another, but that's only because they're just popping up in my head at once. How are things going for me? Ok I guess, nothing much. I really just need to find something to do now. I've just been going home and doing all my work recently which is always a bore. I can't spend time with Z obviously, or hang out with my friends because IDK. I mean I technically do that everyday over at YVC but my schedule's been pretty weird so far. See, I've been taking college courses in High School as well as doing YVC, so the classes I've been taking in the High School were supposed to be the ones I was supposed to take at YVC, but because I'm already getting them done at the High School, my schedule gets shortened to a length than what it was originally supposed to be. Last Trimester, YVC allowed me to pick what half of the school day I should attend class because the classes I were taking were available in both parts of the day. I would often alternate between the two because, at the time, I was "dating" Z and would alternate based on whatever schedule would allow me to see her more.

I've been working on a Dragster for TSA. The only reason I would EVER do something that wasn't an on-site competition was because before the State competition, you must attend Regionals (basically BONELESS State) just to showcase what projects you have done so far. Because I've learned how to fully utilize about 30% of Autodesk Inventor so far, I've been able to make a Dragster any way I want without having to waste the material in order to actually see it. It's coolio.

I have an AP Stats test tomorrow that I should likely study before which is always fun. I know about 5% of what's on the test so I'm likely going to fail that but fuck it. I don't even care for Stats anyway. Also some sort of big-ish news I guess. So after I graduate I can either go to WSU (Washington State University) for 4 years, if I get accepted, or continue to do YVC for another year (maybe year and a half) to get the prerequisite classes out of the way so I don't have to do them over at WSU. If I pick the first option, I'll move to Pullman right away and start working for my Bachelor's/Master's in Science and Engineering Technology. But at the same time, I don't feel like I'm ready to move from home yet. I do want to meet new people and try new things yeah, but at the same time my family and friends make me want to stay just a bit longer. I'd hate to leave so soon even though it's what I've wanted.

Damn it's so hard just comprehending how long I've come in terms of school. Just yesterday it seemed like I was in 6th grade meeting all my friends for the first time. Almost 7 years later I'm already close to becoming a college boy and meeting even more people. I always have a hard time letting people go, especially my friends. I don't like the thought of not being able to talk to or see them every day. It's just part of growing up I guess. Honestly, I could keep typing for hours about this whole thing, how I feel about my friends and family, but there's really no need to anymore. I know I'm growing up and can't stop it. I already realized a long time ago that life is life (if that makes sense). It's not easy, filled with happiness, or any of that, it's not a fairytale. I feel like I learned that at around 9 or 10 when my grandmother died. I was really close to her and I loved her with all my heart. It was around that time like concepts of death, poverty, misfortune, difficulty, etc. that got into my head, making me realize how the world truly operates. I don't mean to use her as a scapegoat by any means, I would never do that. I'm just using that event as an example of when I came to realize how life really was.

Will I fail? Will I succeed? How the fuck should I know? I'll just wait and see. Although I'm in control of my destiny, I may not always make the decision that I know deep down is right. I'm not going to fail though, I've learned too much and lived too long to do that.

Anyways, sorry for that sour ending. I don't know where that came from honestly. But anyways, as usual, I'll keep you guys updated as I go. I'll see you.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: January 2, 2018

Anyone who makes "see you next year" jokes before the new year is gay by default, no exceptions. Anyways, there hasn't been a whole lot that has happened. IDK if I mentioned this before but my parents went to Mexico for vacation (the whole 2 weeks of Christmas break). I was home alone for a few days until my sister came from Seattle to stay for the break. I didn't even stay at home most of the time (I was with Z). Things between us are kinda weird. After we split she ended up getting back together with her boyfriend which is kinda funny for me. You see, back early last year even though she was dating him Z was still seeing me so I was basically cucking the guy. I guess I turned into a chad now IDK lol.

Me and Z have still been seeing each other behind the scenes which is kinda interesting considering she has a boyfriend. I don't think they do anything. I talk to her about the status of her relationship with him and they barely kiss or do anything of the sort. If anything they're just friends (like me and her LMAO).

My friend got the Pachimari gift and he liked it, I felt good after that. Speaking of him, neither me nor him could get any sleep last night (or today I guess) since it was the day before school started. I slept at like 9:00 PM and woke up around 11:30 which is total bullshit. I tried to sleep, even laying in my bed for like an hour but I still couldn't sleep. I saw a post from someone I know on Snapchat showing that school was supposedly cancelled tomorrow because of a bomb threat. The post wasn't fake, it was just misleading. The post was from last year so I didn't see the date and thought that it was real, so I messaged the screenshot to my friend who, coincidentally, couldn't get sleep either. We both found out it was fake later but we ended up staying up till around 4:30 AM playing Overwatch since neither of us could sleep. I really enjoy playing Overwatch with him because it's just nice doing stuff like that.

As of school, I'm starting to slack a bit which is never a good thing. I have a synthesis rough draft to finish (that I haven't started) and three summaries to finish, as well as some work from AP Statistics. All the other classes I can handle, it's just those two really, plus World History I guess (I have a poster to finish). I also did a college application to apply as a 2018 Fall Freshman over in Pullman so now I'm just waiting to get a response back to see if I've been accepted (I hope I am). If I do get accepted, I'll move to Pullman in the summer to begin my education in Mechanical Engineering. I just hope it's not too difficult, but I shouldn't have low expectations. It's college after all. If I don't get accepted, I'll just apply again I guess. The WSU acceptance rate is pretty high so there's a decent chance I'm accepted.

That's all for now I guess. I'll update this later.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: April 12, 2018

Ah, it's been awhile. Naturally that's how it's going to be with this kind of thing now. It's not that nothing has happened (a lot has happened), it's just an issue of me remembering that this site exists and to update the blog. Anyway, I'm not sure where to start. Like I said before, there's a lot of things that have happened since I last updated. I guess I should start with school related stuff.

So after almost half a goddamn year I got a word back from WSU saying that I got accepted. I already knew I would get accepted but now at least I don't have to worry about that now. If anything, I should just worry financially. I didn't get shit in scholarships because you either: Need to have good grades or be poor, and I do not fit into any of those categories. I even applied for like 30 general scholarships but those kinds are like sweepstakes. They don't award you money based on qualification, but rather they give it out randomly. It's really retarded honestly, you should just automatically be qualified for scholarships instead of having to apply for them. I'm sure it's more complicated than that but still, It's very annoying.

I also have a job now. Thanks to one of my teachers, I was able to work at a place that employs mechanical engineers which is something that I want to become. I don't have the job of one, per se, but rather I'm kinda job shadowing and doing some CAD (Computer-Aided Design) stuff. Basically, I'm kind of just making 3D models and Drawings of mechanical parts. I haven't gotten paid yet but that's only because the part I'm supposed to be payed on is something I haven't done yet. So, for now, I'm just jobshadowing.

I also qualify to go to a national competition for the extra curricular activity that I'm. I got top 5 in state in my competition (CAD), so I'll be going sometime around the end of June. It's funny really, how much I'll be doing then. The first week is graduation, I can't wait for that. Then next week my Dad is gonna throw a party at his business to celebrate my success. I guess I kinda look forward to that, I don't really like having parties (at least one with family members, my relatives and such are gonna come as well). Then the third week, I'll be going to Las Vegas. Then FINALLY, after that, is nationals. I'm gonna be pretty busy in June it seems. I just can't wait to graduate already so I can finally leave my goddamn town LOL.

Oof, I guess last but not least is to talk about my situation with Z. So I ended up deciding to leave her (break up or whatever you wanna call it), mostly because I thought about how my situation wasn't really healthy for the both of us emotionally/psychologically. She seemed upset at first, but we ended up talking about it later in the week (it wasn't planned by the way). Basically, I told her about why I did it in the first place (the actual reason, at first I just said things didn't feel the same way as when they started because I felt saying the other one would be more harsh for some reason). She agreed with me, and told me that she only stayed with me so long was because she was so used to me at that point. It's not that she didn't like me or anything, it's just that she didn't really question if it was healthy or not like I did. We agreed to be friends and gave each other hugs and stuff like that. I asked her that, if she wanted to, we could go to prom, but just as friends. She said she didn't know at that point because it could lead to us just starting all over again, but that she'd think about it. I'm fine with whatever decision she makes.

So wowie, a lot has happened indeed. Really I should be in class working but hey, this is much more fun than learning useless shit like Statistics, something that I will never use in my field of Engineering. Anyways, I'll remember to update this blog and, hopefully, not forget to update it and wait every 3 months. Thanks for reading I guess. Until next time.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: July 22, 2018

Honestly I don't know where to start. So much has happened since I last updated (which was April I believe, I know I can go check but I don't want to since I'm lazy). I guess I'll start as far back as I can remember up to the last point of the previous update.

So April I believe is when I last updated so I'll start around there. Around 2 months left before I graduated and finally left the shithole town that I went to High School in. To be honest, I'm not going to miss any of it. Ever since I started school in that town I've always wanted to leave. Of course, the relationships and friends that I've made I will miss naturally, but the atmosphere/environment/etc. won't be missed. The town I "grew up" in (I say "grew up" because I was born there but I actually live in the town next to it) always had a sort of negative vibe to it. People starting to get into marijuana and things like that at a very early age, no conception of moral or societal decency, too much degeneracy, etc. I could go on and on but I don't want to. Now that I think about it, not much really happened in May. It was just another normal school month before graduation, which is what everyone was looking forward to.

I made friends with someone from TSA who is a female, Andrea (or Drea, or Andy). She has a, guess you could call it, inside joke, about how she is a little boy and that she is transitioning genders. Basically, me and Drea both found out that we were both going to the same college after high school: Washington State University. We both wanted to be roommates because we don't really know anyone over where the university is at (Pullman). At first I wasn't too sure. The only reason being was because, although I was friends with Drea, me and her didn't really hang out that much (at the time). But I agreed and we both ended up started to do our WSU stuff together like filling out applications, making payments, etc. It was fun to do, she also had a small puggo that died around this time and that was pretty sad to see that unfold. But death is part of life I guess, I don't really feel anything when anyone (or anything) dies. I'm not emo or anything like that, I guess I've just accepted that everything is finite, and that you can't do anything about it so there really is no reason to get upset. However, biologically, your body forces to. If the body was 100% controlled by my brain rather than being shared by my hormones, I wouldn't really show much emotion at all (if I even do).

I'm monologuing here but sometimes I feel that I'm not normal (in the bad way). Everyone is unique and there really is no such thing as "normal", but what I mean by this is that I don't react to things the way most people do (or should). For example, if something bad happens to someone, deep down I really don't feel sym/empathy for them, I just feel like it's my duty to help them out. Same thing with death. Biologically, my body will forcefully be depressed but in my mind I don't really care. Not in the sense that I don't care for who (or what) died, but just in the sense that, like I said before, everything's finite, you can't do anything about it, and therefore, is no reason to be upset.

Anyways, back to what I was saying. After agreeing to be roommates, me and Drea started to hang out more and more. I always saw her in TSA and I didn't see her as an acquaintance, but rather, just a friend that I had never really hung out with. I got to know her more and more and for the first time in a very long while, I felt that I had a friend that I could sort of relate to. We both have a somewhat similar way of thinking and I guess, in a weird sense, we can relate on how we feel about certain things in a way.

Monologuing again, but these past few months I've just had the attitude of "everything's finite, don't stress over it". I feel like I should have more emotion, or at least show it, but when I want to (or should), it never really happens. I don't understand why I am so robotic. I'm not complaining, but I just want to understand why. I feel that maybe it's because I never really had someone to actually show the full extent of who I am to. I have my friends, and my closest ones as well, but I feel like even that's not enough. I feel like I can only show that side of me to just one person and I still haven't figured out who that is yet. But, I'll cross (or burn) that bridge when I get to it.

But yeah, overall in May, it was mostly me and Drea getting along better and getting closer. I also met her current family and all that which is nice. I was working on my grades this whole trimester so lots of times I never had much to do because I was so caught up. But after I became friends with Drea, I started going out/hanging out more and meeting, and making, more and more friends. She really is a great person despite what she may sometimes says about herself. That's more of a personal issue for her but I really hope she knows she's an amazing person and that she deserves the best of everything.

It's funny to, we've only really started hanging out for a few months now but I've been more at ease around her than I have with friends that I've been with for years. I guess with them I was more comfortable around them, but they could never relate to me or understand me very much. I'm not saying it's their job to be the perfect friend or be a personal therapist, but I'm just glad that A is at least there for me most of the time compared to friends I've been with for years.

The worst part about this is that I've been sitting on the toilet while doing this and I can no longer feel my legs. I'm going to move to my room now.

I'm in my room now and my legs are extremely sensitive. Literally put the minimalist of forces against them like 1 PSI and it will hurt so strangely. But anyways, I guess this concludes the May part of the update.

So June comes around and there is just one week left before graduation. I finish my YVC stuff and end up sitting at the table the last couple of weeks. It's funny, I've been sitting with everyone (minus my friend's girlfriend) there at the table and yet I still don't remember some of them. I guess they were mostly background noise of my school life. Not that they didn't mean anything to me, but just that I didn't really associate with them, really, I only met them because I needed a place to sit for lunch.

So my last week of school just went like any other week, minus the fact that nobody would pay attention anymore because of senioritis. But graduation finally came, and it was finally over. 4 years of caca de pinche mierda of escuela hell was finally over. All the normies and idiots, I would never see them again, and they would go on to fail at life and slow down the progress of society. It's funny too. I almost missed graduation because you were supposed to wear a button-up suit underneath your cap and gown but my friend Pancho covered me (I still owe him one for that, he's great).

I mostly stuck with Pancho, Drea, and everyone from TSA. Me and my (((closest))) friend, if he is that anymore, had sort of gotten in an argument about 2 weeks prior. I don't remember what it was about even which just shows how trivial our friendship is and I love it. But when everyone was done taking photos and socializing, we had to sit down in the seats to get ready and all that, I saved my friend a seat just because I'm that kind of person. It's great, my walking partner was in the top 5% of the school's academics so that just meant I got to go earlier before anyone else. That pisses me off too, I was .1 GPA away from being in the top 5% (You needed to have a 3.7 GPA or higher and mine was 3.6). That's fine though, bothers me more than what I got on my Senior Capstone presentation (20.5/21).

We walked down the isle with our graduation partners and sat down and went through all the usual. Basically the speeches. I just wanted to get my diploma and leave (Drea felt the same way). I finally got through all of it and high school was finally over. I was originally going to go to the graduation party but I just went with A and some of my other friends. I feel that had I chosen to go to the graduation party that I wouldn't have remembered what happened. But basically, we went to the bowling alley and then we, get this, got drugs. This is a usual occurrence but I just wanted to mention it because it's so hilarious and out of character. I don't do drugs, I've dedicated myself to being the sober one of the group, despite the number of times I've been offered them. If I do try them however, I promised her that if I did take drugs, I would do them with her (I'm a man of my word BTW).

So after graduation, actually before that, I had a graduation party. Food was good, and my friends came, which was great because I really didn't want to have to be around my family. I invited my closest friend to come as well but he rejected it so I don't really think he's my closest friend anymore. I feel like I shouldn't have cared about him as much as I had. But that's my mistake, and I've learned from that. The food was good, the events and all that during it were OK, I just wanted my graduation gifts already. I got around $600 from my relatives which was awesomeness. I ended up using it to buy a laptop later that month. That's what I'm typing all this on, it's a pretty good laptop, though I'm not the biggest fan of Windows 10 (7 was much better). I feel like I should've gotten that as a graduation gift, but my parents used that as an excuse for them not to pay for it.

I also went to TSA Nationals that month too, and it was alright. Definitely better than state but not all that cracked up to be. I did enjoy myself, but sometimes I did get bored of staying in the hotel room most of the time. I did hang out with Drea a lot during that time which made things more comfortable. I remember we ordered Domino's at around midnight and that it would take 2-3 hours to get here, so we watched Shrek 3 in my room until it got here. But, we got a call saying that they had cancelled it so we were pretty pissed off. They cancelled it because apparently no one was at the front desk or something like that, I don't even remember and I don't want to because it was a fucking gay ass experience.

I also remember we went to a Waffle House at 3 AM. This was in Atlanta, Georgia. That place is filled with ghetto so you can imagine what some of the scenery was like. Atlanta is a nice place on the outside, but like I said it has its fair share of ghetto. The Waffle House food was good though, we also met with some advisors that were there as well. We technically weren't supposed to be out this late but no one had ever said anything, so the next day they told us that the curfew was now 11 PM (I feel like me and A were the cause of that but who cares).

I did compete in CAD and I didn't get in the top 10 which was bullshit. I don't really want to have to go into depth about nationals since there's a lot that happened, but overall I give the experience a 7.5/10. Six Flags would've been more fun (we went there) but we just walked around most of the time and went on LITERALLY TWO FUCKING RIDES.

So June ends and July begins. I forgot to mention, but early June about a week after graduation, my (((closest))) friend told me he didn't want to be friends anymore. I only call him my "closest" friend because I have a lot of labels already for people on here (ex. Z). But fuck it, I'll call him B. So basically, he didn't tell me why he didn't want to be friends anymore and that bugged me to hell. I despise, more than anything, when someone doesn't give a good enough reason, and reasons like "because I said so" or "just cause" are literally the most degenerate reasons ever and show how retarded you really are.

I bugged him for about 3 weeks, I got a whole bunch of new phone numbers just to text him stuff like "tell me why" and stuff like that. And basically, he said it's because I'm annoying.

And it's funny because no fucking shit I'm annoying, I didn't have a choice, I had to bug him for 3 weeks just to get a reason. Had he given me one prior we would be all good. But we did end up "technically" compromise, but we aren't on as good terms as we once were. It doesn't bother me too much however, I don't see him as my closets friend anymore, rather, I see him like a browsing history item if that's the way to describe it. I've made friends now that have cared more about me than he ever did in 7 years so it doesn't bother me too much. He's not a liability or expendable however, but I don't have him as high a priority as I once did.

So during July, not much happened here. The only thing worth noting is that I went to my WSU orientation. This was for 3 days and I basically experienced what you'd expect from an orientation. Also another thing to note, apparently now me and A will likely not be roommates because the gender-inclusive dorm that we applied to is apparently full because we waited too long or something like that. It's honestly bullshit because me and her have been trying to get housing to fix our situation for us (it wouldn't let us be roommates on the application because we weren't the same gender) and that has affected our progress. I'm honestly hoping that we will end up being roommates somehow because I really don't want to have to live with some stranger. She has even told me that she would rather get a single dorm than live with anyone else.

I also had a backup roommates, James, just in case anything didn't work out. However, when I contacted him, he said that he was just going to get an apartment instead (they are cheaper), so right now I'm pretty much out of options. All I can really do now is hope, although the likelyhood of us becoming roommates is VERY slim. This past month has really just consisted of me getting my college work done. I took my math placement test online (that's how you do it), but my internet got disconnected during it so my ALEKS score ended up being something like 26/100 resulting me getting placed in Math 100: Basic Mathematics (which is not even college level math). I talked to the WSU staff about it and they just said to retake it but with a proctor. There's also a fee that goes into it, but I'm still pretty pissed that I ended up not being able to initially get the class I wanted (Math 171 I believe, it's Calculus).

I'm also planning on talking to the person in charge of Housing at WSU today, Tyler Kirshner. I'll ask him about spaces left in the dorm me and A were wanting to stay in, McCroskey. Seems like a nice and safe environment overall so I can understand why it would be full. I just feel like me and A should get priority because we have been trying to apply for so goddamn long that it's not even funny.

Honestly, I really do feel like I am ready to leave this place. I've never wanted to stay in the Yakima Valley very long because I felt that I never belonged here. I feel, not necessarily an outcast, but just someone who would never see their full potential had they stayed locally in the valley. Some of the people I know here plan to go to Heritage University which is in the valley just to stay closer to home, and I can respect that, but I just know that they most likely will never leave this valley and are trapped. I feel like my place isn't here in the valley, or even in Washington either, but rather just someplace where I can relate to many people that I meet instead of being around a bunch of loser junkies all the time. That's one thing I'll never miss about this place. During my time in school, I would have to be around all sorts of people that annoyed me or that I just hated in general and I'm finally getting away from all that. That's honestly probably the main reason I want to leave, not just to pursue my education but to get away from the people that aren't going to do anything with their lives.

One of my friends requested that the status of our old friends that we associated with be posted on here so I'll cover that right now.

Austin is doing pretty good for himself right now. His overall appearance has changed very much and he does look, and appear to be, much better. He really does have an interesting personality and he's going to be going to some college in Oregon I believe. I don't really know what he'll be studying but I'm sure he'll do good. I don't really talk to him much but I just sort of see things unfold on the sidelines, much like with many friends or acquantinces that I have.

George has already moved to California at the California Polytechnic State University. He is going to be studying robotic stuff I believe. He's very intelligent and educated so I know that he'll do great. These past few years he has pretty much stayed the same personality wise I feel. He's very neutral and wholesome to be around, but he also has an interesting personality as well. Basically, how you have seen George in the past is probably how you'll say now.

Jaime has stayed exactly the same. Crazy Jaime, that's what Austin calls him, and for good reason. He got "most unforgettable" in the yearbook and trust me he really is unforgettable. He has the most interesting and weird personality imaginable, but he really is fun to be around. I remember at the christmas dinner at the school last year, he ended up throwing a milk pouch at a random student and then proceeding to jump into the garbage can. Then, the principal and security escorted him away which was just hilarious to watch. Also, Locker 30 finally got cleaned out that year. The school also put a ziptie around it so that no one could ever open it again. There's a documentary about Locker 30 on YouTube as well about it that I made last year. The audio only works on laptop/desktop though so just as a heads-up. I also made that documentary as part of a Video Production class that I had that year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E08LMG2CTfg

It is so bad and cringy just so you know, but it really is funny (to me anyway). Making the video was very fun.

But that's about all that has happened so far. I can't wait to go live at WSU. I know that it will be hard but I feel not as hard as high school was. Honestly, I just can't wait to get started. I'll see you then.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: August 20, 2018

Well, here we are again, almost a month later. I'm sure I said that I would remember to blog every once in awhile and I did it seems. Honestly though, I only remember to do this because I can't really sleep. I keep thinking about stuff. I'll get back to that later.

So, if anyone still reads this, I guess y'all are excited to hear about how college has been so far right? Well, to be frank, it's great and all, but I wasn't overwhelmed or anything like that. It felt somewhat natural for me, but at the same time, different. I moved in 5 days ago and met my roommate (not Drea like we originally wanted). His name is Joel and he's actually from the Tri-Cities area around 40 miles from Grandview. He seems like a cool guy and I think we click pretty good. On move-in day, we both set some ground rules and set up our own stuff. I helped him to loft his bed and that went horribly because it kept trying to fall on us and kill us. The first day was pretty neat.

OK so I can't stop thinking about my former friend. We're no longer friends anymore and since we aren't I guess keeping his identity isn't too much of a biggie. His name is Armando, and I'm sure that the story and shit about how we met is somewhere around in this blog but I don't want to go over how we met, what we've done, etc. because it just bugs me. Basically, I think a month or so, if I remember correctly, before I left, I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him anymore because the friendship seemed dead and that he never really seemed to care much for it. There's a lot of context behind why we weren't doing so good these past few months.

The jist of it is that I am an annoying person, just around him it seems. I don't do it intentionally and it never seems like I am, I just feel like if I'm annoying to him IRL he should tell me right then and there. When I told him I didn't want to be friends anymore, he said "Alright bye then" or something like that. I think that sort of proved that I was right this whole time because I had always felt that he never cared much for being friends. I feel like friendship to him isn't a very important thing, but rather it's just there. I would say I can understand that but at the same time I feel like I can't. And this is coming from me, someone who almost never expresses how they are on the emotional scale. I talked to Drea about it before just to see her take on it and she said that he didn't deserve to have me as a friend. I know I put more effort in the relationship, but I can't help feel that it was more of my fault than I realize. Drea doesn't know all of the context behind us so naturally she would be on my side, but I do reasonably feel that Armando was the main reason for the friendship falling apart.

We never really did much these past couple of years, or any of those years for that matter. I mean sure we went paintballing this one time and we've gone to the movies a couple of times but the friendship just felt kind of forced to me because we had known each other for so long and we didn't have anybody else. When I blocked him after that I thought that later on I would feel worse about it than I do right now. Like seriously, I didn't feel bad or depressed about it at all and it's almost been a month later. If anything it just feels like I had something really heavy on my back and I got it off. When me and Armando started talking, hanging out less, I grew closer to Drea and Pancho and the people associated with them, and for the first time in my life I felt that I had real friends, real honest friends that actually are human.

I think it's this way because on the emotional scale they outweigh Armando by a ton and the friendship doesn't feel not necessarily forced per se, but it feels more real, alive if you will (if that makes sense). We've done lots of things already and we haven't been hanging out for very long either (I'd say about 4 or 5 months). I wish I had been friends with these people sooner, instead of being afraid to move onto new friends and stay stuck with Armando. I don't have anything against him personally, I know how he is and he can sometimes be fun to be around. It's just disappointing to me that the friendship couldn't last longer. Maybe not even that, I think I might be more disappointed in myself for staying in that friendship as long as I did. I guess the only thing I'll miss about him is that I won't have anyone else to talk to about everything. What I mean is that he is the only person I knew in life that I could talk to about anything, or at least with who I was comfortable doing it with. It just meant something to me on the inside because we had known each other for so long I felt comfortable with him knowing anything and everything, even if it initially was hard to say. I don't have anyone like that, not necessarily that I can trust, but rather just someone that I'm 100% comfortable talking about those things with. I did end up talking to Armando one last time before I left to Pullman asking for the Pachimari back (mostly because I knew my roommate would like it and it would look nice on the desk), but he told me that he gave it to his dog and he fucked it up or something? That's all I needed from him, now and forever. I don't plan on talking to, nor seeing him ever again. The only reason I would talk to him is if it were over little things, either that or if I'm bored and I'm just like "fuck it I'll talk to him about something".

I guess now I got to find that new friend to spend 7 years with. Hopefully, they'll care about me as much as I care about them. This time, however, I won't be afraid to make the decisions I want. Me and Armando aren't friends anymore, and I don't care for him anymore, but I do wish him the best in life and hope he succeeds.

That's enough of that. So the first day of college was pretty interesting. I already talked about setting up the room but WSU is known as a party school and, well...I went to a party. I didn't do drugs/drink alcohol mostly because I've dedicated myself to being the (mostly) sober one of the people I know. The party was at a frat house and I went around 11 PM with my roommate and his friend and I don't really remember what happened, all I know is that I socialized with some people, played beer pong (without drinking any) and passed out over there. I also woke up in my dorm but I don't remember how I got there. Usually when I'm tired, I won't remember the events that happened because I have really shitty memory (and hearing). It was fun, but I don't plan on going to many parties since, after all, college is the final frontier for my education and I plan on succeeding more than I've ever succeeded before. That, and so I can get scholarships and study abroad (maybe, still thinking about it).

Also, I had some hickeys on my neck and my friend asked about it. I don't usually talk about stuff like that except to people I am either 100% trusting or 100% comfortable with, but it usually has to be a mix of the two with one being greater than the other.

So what happened was that a couple of days before I left, one of my friends (female) told me that she liked me and that she was hoping that one of these days I would have asked her out. Nice person, known her for two years. The thing is though whenever someone likes me, I don't know how I am supposed to respond. I don't know if I'm supposed to say "thank you" or "I like you too" or something like that. It's different when I tell someone I like them though, I won't just lean in for a kiss because that seems strange to me, but I sort of just tell them straight up how I feel and hope for the best. Maybe not the best choice but still that's all I can really do. I told her "oh thanks" and I guess she wasn't expecting the response that she got. I just told her that I already had feelings for someone else and that it would feel weird getting into a relationship right then and there, especially if it was going to be long distance. I told her that if she wanted to do anything that I would be OK with it since I would be leaving soon, and what I meant was that maybe she would want to go somewhere or something but she told me if we could """smash""". My mentality during that was "fuck it I'm leaving soon anyway". And the hickeys is literally all that happened, because I couldn't go through with it. With me, it feels not necessarily uncomfortable for me, but less ideal (I guess if that's the right word) to have sex with someone that I don't have strong feelings for. I'm more comfortable with it meaning something, rather than it just being a quick way to bust a nut.

I guess she wasn't too big a fan of that, but I feel like she understood and said she was OK with my decision. I hope she didn't make me feel uncomfortable or anything though because I hate making people feel bad (for the most part). Also, I guess this blog will be the new "Armando" in the sense that I can talk about anything and everything on here, mostly because this site is dead and that I doubt anyone (((else))) will find it. And if they do then I'll probably die and have to explain a lot.

I took my first classes today and they're alright. Just got the syllabus', mostly chilling in my dorm. I haven't really talked to anyone new that I haven't met before but hopefully that'll change soon. Also, if my feelings for the person I like don't go anywhere then I'll probably find someone else. Honestly knowing myself, I probably will never say anything so that it doesn't make things awkward between me and that person, no matter how much it will kill me on the inside. Maybe I'll just be single forever who knows, I'm fine with either or, however I do prefer being with someone. It's always nice when the other person actually means something and being with them actually 100% does have integrative meaning.

I'm going to bed now gn.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: November 14, 2018

OK so a lot has happened these past 3ish months. I told the person that I liked how I felt about them, I got into drugs, and my family got a new doge, and I'm friends with Armando again. Let's begin.

I guess we should start with the "bad news" of this post: What happened when I told the person I liked how I feel about them. There's lots of context that goes into what happened, but for that person's sake, I don't want to put their name on here. But basically, she said she just saw me as a friend. For the longest time, I wasn't sure if she liked me or not because at times it felt like I was being given hints or being led on (e.g. lots of smiley faces in texts, "OMG Daniel I love you", and so on. As stated before, she said she just saw me as a friend. I feel like I didn't say it in the right way, it felt rushed. Basically, I told her when I woke up (she stayed at my dorm that night (((as friends)))). I just said "I kind of like you" which I'm sure was the worst possible way to do that. If anything, I should have said that the night before and had been direct about it. I feel that I have a terrible time expressing how I feel about other people. Either I'll be too affectionate, not give the right kind, or just give none at all. I didn't feel much after getting rejected, but after around a week or so that's when everything started going to piss balls.

I remember there would be nights where thoughts of "You fucked up" or "You ruined your friendship with her, your friendship won't be the same again (in the bad way)" would keep me up at night. I remember one day I just ended up walking around all of Pullman at night thinking about it and got back at like 3 AM. I remember Joel was still awake and tried to be his usual cheery-styled self around me but I just told him that I was in a bad mood and he did a good job of giving me space. I know it's little details, but basically I was super hungry when I got back and poured some cereal, but I never ate it even after pouring milk which sucks, buying milk is expensive (half a gallon is almost $5). I remember that night being terrible, I got no sleep then and I just kept thinking about how I fucked up everything.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE: December 30, 2018

So after around 4 months, I have completed my first semester here at WSU. Overall, the experience helped me to discover my responsible self and how I need to organize myself here in college.

The workload I had was sometimes beyond my expectations. College is NOTHING like high school was. Everything you do is entirely dependent upon you: You make the decisions, you decide what you do and don't do, everything is your choice. That is a good and a bad thing for me. I feel that the freedom I have has helped me to do whatever I choose, but at the same time, having that privilege also can ruin your priorities (ex. wanting to slack off instead of doing work), and since no one is in charge of you, no one is going to tell you what right decisions you make.

My grades were all A's except for 1 class (HISTORY 105), I got a C in there. My GPA was 3.5ish but I at least passed all my classes. The classes are easy since I'm a freshman, but I know they will get harder. I just hope that I'll be able to handle it.

Around a month ago, I took psychedelic shrooms for the first time. They looked nasty, they were really long. I ate around 3 or so of them, I ate them with friends through rice krispie treats (they make eating the shrooms easier). I tried tasting them without rice krispies but they really didn't taste like much. If I had to describe its taste, imagine super dry silly putty mixed with the texture of paper (it basically tasted like edible paper). I didn't feel anything for about an hour or two. After that time, I started to feel it kick in. Drea later asked me how my experience was, I only told her about 50% of what was going on because I felt that she would feel bad for what I was going through and wouldn't let me be on shrooms again.

I felt very dizzy as if I was going to pass out, I forgot how to use my body and felt like a baby just learning how to crawl. Drea tried making hashbrowns on shrooms but they looked absolutely disgusting (it's not an exaggeration, it looked like literal dog shit). I started to notice that everything looked more vibrant and colorful, everything started distorting a little bit. I got on my phone and started to play Pokémon Go (yes I still play it) and noticed that a lot of the things in the game looked scary for some reason. They didn't physically look scary, but looking at certain things would trigger the fear hormone in my body for some reason. Drea's friend: Maranda, put on Rugrats on the TV and I started watching bits and pieces here and there. The animation and everything really started to frighten me so I just decided to look for Drea because I was starting to get spooked.

I saw Drea on the toilet (she wasn't using it) in the bathroom just shaking and I asked her how she was doing. We were having conversations about things I don't remember but I imagine we were basically talking about our experiences. I stayed with her for awhile because I felt more safe and comfortable for the time being. During the time between moving places and such, I constantly felt that my life was in danger and that I was being watched.

Me and Drea went back into the living room with Miranda and we sat behind the couch for some reason. Overtime, we all started to laugh and cry and talk about many things. I remember I kept whispering to Drea because I forgot how to use my voice and Miranda asked if we were talking about her. I kept assuring her we weren't but I was worried that she might think I was lying. I basically kept reassuring my answer instead of just saying "No". Everytime I, or Miranda, would feel uncomfortable or anything of the sorts, Drea would say something like "I'm just here to take care of you guys" or something like that, and she must've said that at least 10 times because I remember me and Miranda laughing, asking her to stop saying the same thing over and over again. After awhile, Miranda decided to go to bed. Me and Drea decided to go on the couch (finally).

We were both talking about our shroom experience I think. I just remember us sitting on the couch together and sometimes laying down. I remember we were talking and I popped my neck while I was laying down on the couch, and I was just focused on what she was saying, and for some reason she thought I snapped my neck because I was just staring her after I popped it. She started shouting my name and shaking me and I told her I was fine and said sorry for putting her through that. After that, I think she passed out or something. I was by myself for awhile, she was there, but she wasn't awake. This is the other half that I didn't tell her about.

I started hearing voices that sounded familiar to me. I walked around seeing if I could find out where they were coming from. I went into the kitchen and saw a bright light. I walked closer to it and realized it was just the lightbulb in the kitchen. Realizing I was dumb thinking it was something else, I went back to the couch. After that, I started to hear the same voices again. They kept whispering around my ears and I just gave up and tried listening to what they were saying. It sounded like conversations that I had heard or engaged in sometime ago because I remember a conversation between 7-year-old me and my Mom saying how I couldn't have another Trix yogurt because I already had one an hour ago. I also started to remember memories I thought I didn't know. I remember seeing my sister's cat, Ashes, having just recently given birth to the kittens and one of them being stiff solid because it was stillborn. Ashes was long gone during this time but I remember this event happening around 2004-2005. The whole trip was basically me remembering things I haven't remembered in so long it was so otherworldly, like if I was looking at my life from start to finish.

All of the experiences weren't pleasant however. Like I said, I started to remember everything that had happened to me. I was remembering the ones I loved dying, and those same feelings of grief came back to me in full swing. I remember going to my dead friend's funeral when I was 6 or 7. I remembered and felt the feelings of grief I had when my grandma died when I was 9. I remembered my childhood during elementary and parts of middle school where I was painfully alone. Especially during elementary, I never had friends and was an outcast. I started to get those feelings of despair and being alone. I was realizing that I had lived most of my life alone. At the end, I kid you not, everything around me went completely black as if there was a power outage. I could see myself (ex. looking at my arm, not as in a first-person perspective). I was basically floating in a void, then suddenly, I saw an oval-shaped amount of light heading towards me. It was approaching rapidly, and stopped about 5 feet in front of me. The light showed a reflection of me, and in the reflection was a reflection of me. I started to hover towards the light reflection and reached out to it. I noticed that there were 3 circles within the reflection that were different shades of white, as if they were different amounts of concentrated lights. I reached into the first light, a very bright one: I got a sudden rush of happiness and love, also, an image of someone I knew popped into my head alongside those feelings. I shoved my hand out, and reached into the second light, a slightly gray one: I got a sudden rush of trust and friendship. I reached into the third light, and although it appeared to be very bright: I got the sudden feeling of heartlessness and manipulation. I reached out of that light pod, and looked down to my feet. After that vision, everything started to illuminate around me and I realized that I had just woken up and was starting at Drea who was asleep. I couldn't feel my body, all of my bodies senses were asleep, I couldn't feel or react to anything. I didn't want to tell her this obviously because it's very creepy. When I realized I was looking at her though, one of the feelings that I experienced during the vision was emanating from her immensely. I won't share which one it was, but after that whole experience it changed how I see her.

If I had to leave it to my interpretation, I would say that I was basically facing my demons and all my hardships that I endured throughout my life, going through them by myself. Then, after all those hardships, the void represented how I felt before meeting certain people. I must've been shown the three most significant people in my life who changed me and made me not want to go through things by myself anymore. The visuals I was having started to dissipate, the visual effects of the shrooms was wearing off and quick. For about 7 or 8 more hours after that, using my body felt strange. I imagine it like using a controller to control your in-game avatar. You give the inputs but you don't actually feel them. I help Miranda and Drea do their paper routes whenever I stay so I helped them with that again. The roads were icy and slick, and everytime we we slid or thought we would crash, I had no reaction. I was super relaxed. I felt like I was melting into the couch and the newspapers were on top of me. After that experience, I started to take appreciation of people I had more often. I changed the way I was around certain people, and saw certain people differently.

That was probably the most interesting experience of that semester, or rather, my whole life most likely. I had never felt anything like it, and I could never have imagined that experiences like this were possible. I started to stress very much during finals, and during my way back home, I started to have anxiety attacks. I thought it would go away, but after 4 or so days of getting no sleep, having problems breathing, etc. I went to the doctor's. I thought I might've had a heart condition or something and it turned out I had anxiety, and that not knowing what I had must've made it worse. After that though, I started to feel much better. I was able to get some sleep for a few days, but after that the anxiety started to come back. I still haven't slept right and haven't gone back to the doctor's because they said if knowing I had anxiety wouldn't help I would have to go to counseling and I didn't want to do that.

Overall, I give my experience at WSU a 8/10. There were definite hardships, but I feel that the experiences I had during it were worth it. I know it could be so much better, but we'll just have to wait and see. I still got 4 more years to go (or 8 if I decide to get my PhD (hopefully)). Anyways, I hope this blog post was worth reading. There's a ton of information that I have still but I just wanted to paraphrase the best parts of my college experience. Until next time. Peace.