The Haggifying of '87 - Investigation Report (1987)

Summary:

"The Haggifying of '87" is the infamous event which took place in 1987 where the Magic Hag went sadistic after seeing a child drop a blue drink (Gatorade) at a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party in which she thought was a "blue potion" and Haggifyed the child. After a 90-day investigation was held then cancelled 2 weeks (14 days to be precise) in she returned to the Chuck E. Cheese and haggifyed everyone inside: Staff, Children, even Parents. She exited shortly but was surrounded by the national guard. She was killed, but revived and destroyed the entire city, survived, and headed back to her shop.

''This report was found after the 90-day investigation which took place from November 11, 1987 - November 25, 1987. It was found 84 days after the investigation was cancelled. This is what was found in it:''

Day 1: November 11, 1987

Group A was ordered to search the Chuck E. Cheese for any evidence as to where the Hag was going. The only thing we found was a Magic Mushroom. This didn't really prove much, but hopefully more light will be shed on where that monster is.

Day 2: November 12, 1987

During the search we saw some dust trail left behind by the Hag. But that was about the highlight in this days' investigation. I'll check back tomorrow.

Day 3: November 13, 1987

Today we found some really interesting evidence and reports. During the Cleanup operation at the Chuck E. Cheese we discovered what type of drink the child spilled during the incident: Blue Gatorade. What our scientist team members concluded was that the Magic Hag draws near anything that is blue since, during a recent study, showed that 97% of all Hag's IQ levels were below 30. They hypothesized that she must have thought that it was a "blue potion" and went sadistic because of it.

Tomorrow I think that we are calling in some Army men to secure the Hag with our "blue potion" trap. We will set a rope in the middle of the road along with a drink meant to look like a "blue potion" which will actually be a clay potion colored blue and filled with blue gatorade. We will be trying tomorrow, I just hope it works.

Day 4: November 14, 1987

The trap failed to work. One of our investigation executives scolded at the scientists' and eliminated them from the team. Many of us tried to convince the executive that the scientists were a crucial point in the investigation as they are the only ones who REALLY know how to find the Hag. Nothing worked, he just sends us bacl to support the cleanup mission which is expected to be completed within 4 - 6 months. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Day 5: November 15, 1987

[Unreadable] that one of the [Unreadable] was [Unreadable] swamp. We began a campaign called "Operation H.A.G" which stood for "Operation Handle All Gross hags". Only 7 of us were provided with more [Unreadable] couldn't be trusted. I was able [Unreadable] listen into their conversations and I heard a most astonishing statement: "We will use the [Unaudible] as bait and wait for the Hag to arrive. That is when Teams A and G will rendezvous here at [REMOVED]" I didn't hear all of it but I am pretty sure that they plan to use some of the basic members to bait the Hag at [REMOVED] with the fake "blue potion". I am sure that what the executive has planned is illegal since he is using people for the front lines to get what he wants. I will notify the authorities shortly.

Day 6: November 16, 1987

Authorities arrived and the executive denied anything that he was asked involving his plan. He somehow turned the topic to me and threatened me with termination and serious jail time if I listened in onto "private and top secret" conversations. It isn't fair how he can just cover up any crime he does with the flick of his wrist. He has that power and I just hope something is done about it.

Day 7, WEEK 1: November 17, 1987

The executive woke me up along with 10 other investigators at 3:49 am. He gave us gloves and told us we were up to plant the fake "blue potion" at the established point. I knew it, this is what he had in mind. He thinks that anyone who touches it will get killed by the Hag. I volunteered and carefully and yet extremely carefully even more I placed the "blue potion" at the established zone and nothing happened. A sniper shot the decoy and a thunderclap sounded, lightning struck onto the ground and paralyzed 8 of 13 men. Then the Magic Hag appeared saying "YoU sTuPId [REMOVED] yOu tHinK I aM rETaRDed?!!? tHAt Is NoT A LiCENsed Or LegItiMAte Blue PoTIoN!!! NeXT tiMe yoU wiLl alL diE!!!!!" She disappeared and the paralyzed men were rushed to the Emergency Care Unit. We may need to hold off onto the investigation for a little while. I'll check back in when we start again.

Day 8: November 24, 1987

The investigation is almost complete, within the days that the people were diagnosed with permanent paralysis, we found some evidence pointing to where she was at: After 8 long days of investigation we found her hideout - The Magic Hags' Potion Shop in Termina (Southern Swamp). And even more exciting news, the bodies were all found and the cleanup operation finally got done (as if Chuck E. Cheese wasn't filthy enough) and DNA traces of the Hag were found and were transferred to the remaining scientists. They found out that the Magic Hag has an extreme sensitivity to anything blue being destroyed or vandalized. We planned a full scale invasion of the shop but the scientists discovered that there was no way into Termina from Earth so we had to scratch that. Instead we'll draw in the Hag like last time.

Day 9: November 25, 1987 

We are planning for the trap for the Hag so I am forbidden to write anything about it down since it is Top-secret. If I do I will be facing criminal charges or worse: Execution. I'll check back tomorrow.

Day 10: November 26, 1987

Still discussing and planning. I can't talk about it still so I will check back tomorrow.

Day 11: November 27, 1987

Were still discussing. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Day 12: November 28, 1987

I am finally be able to talk about the plan so I will go into full detail:

We will place 4 mortars across town and evacuate the city (one on each block corner with coordinates F7769SG098SG9) 2 snipers will each be placed on every building pointing at the rendezvous point which is where the Hag is expected to appear. 10,000 troops will hide in the buildings in case anything goes wrong. Each armed with the most hide of armor and equipped with AK-47's or PMF-39's. There will be 3 rocket launching men to blow her up if a Code Blue goes into play somehow. We begin in the 30th of November so I need to finish so I can get my training. I will check back in tomorrow hopefully and wish me luck. Who knows, perhaps the fate of mankind is riding on this...

Day 13: November 29, 1987

[UNREADABLE] training is going well but [UNREADABLE] is [UNREADABLE] tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Day 14: November 30, 1987

[UNREADABLE] has been placed and [UNREADABLE] has appeared. We shout that she is arrested but one [UNREADABLE] defective and accidentally shoots the bullet at the [UNREADABLE] fails and [UNREADABLE] holy sh*t and she [UNREADABLE]

''The report ends here. There were no survivors or much evidence after the Code Blue LEVEL 5 occurred after it was believed that one of the Sniper's rifles was defective and shot a bullet at the fake "blue potion" causing Magic Hag to go sadistic and blow up everything within a 50-mile radius. The bullet also ricochet into the Chuck E. Cheese and knocked down a support beam which damaged the child's blue drink even more resulting in even more sadisticness. Some of the text in the report is short because it barley withstood the explosion and made some parts unreadable. The town and location are unknown and it is not known if this really happened. All this is now is just a childhood memory...''