Hags 2: The Double Duo CREEPYPASTA

After the Haggy incident, I got rid of the cartridge. If you don’t know what i’m talking about, then read my blog: “Magic Hag’s Potion Shop CREEPYPASTA” to know of my tragic experience. So, let’s begin on what happened afterwards…

It was over 6 months after I got the sketchy copy of Majora’s Mask. The Hag.exe incident was all over the news. CNN, CBS, all the news companies. Including FOX! However, even after getting constantly reminded of blue hags I turned off the TV. I went outside to get some fresh air when a blue van went up my driveway. The side door slide open and out came my friend Kyle. I asked him what happened with him since I hadn’t seen him in over 10,000 years. He said he just came back from playing the sketchy copy of Majora’s Mask. Which didn’t make any sense, especially since he just came out of a white van. He gave me a flash drive that said “Hag.ipt”. I told him that I didn’t wanna play the game anymore. Kyle said “IT’S SO YUMMY YOU CAN’T RESIST, AND NOW YOU MUST SUCK MY DICK! OR ELSE I WILL LOSE MY SHIT! YOU’RE BANNED FROM MY YUMMY CHICKEN SHOP FOREVER! HE HE HE HE HE HE HE! KEE! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY SHOP, I’M GONNA JACK OFF!I SWEAR TO MY SISTER THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO BLUE POTIONS IN HERE! I SWEAR!!!!!1111 KEEEEEEEEE!!!” For some reason, I thought that I heard that somewhere before. I went home to take a nap.

While I was napping, I had a dream that a statue of the Hag was in front of me, and I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing the Hag. I woke up, and saw my alarm clock was covered in blue paint. I pressed the Snooze button, but when I did a strange high-pitched laugh would produce from it. I went downstairs to get ready from work. I drove over to the local McDonald’s to begin work. But, when I tried to enter, even with putting in the Passcode, Card ID, Retinal Scan,Voice Authorization, and DNA Sample Scan, I was denied access. Then, I got a call from my boss. He said that the McDonald’s was closed today because all of the Fish McBites in stock exploded since they were “So damn fattening that even Fat Albert would say “Hey hey hey!”. So, I drove back home to watch the anime “Space Dandy”. But, instead of the intro, along with the entire 1st season of filler, the TV screen went blue for approximately 7 seconds. Then, I saw the haunting image of the hag on the screen saying “Welcome to my yummy chicken shop. Remember, no blue chicken is in stock at this current time! But fear not, I have ordered for a new shipment of blue chicken! He he he! What would you like to purchase from me?” I  screamed and pissed myself. I called 911 and started to have an epileptic seizure for over 2 hours.

It was over 2 hours and I was at the hospital. But, the nurse next to me was the Magic Hag! Fortunately, it was all just a bad dream. I woke up around 6:06 PM and went to make some Chicken Noodle Soup. When I opened the can, I saw that the liquid was blue! I was shocked and dropped the can, making a mess all over the floor. The liquid moved around and it spelled “NO BLUE CHICKEN IS IN STOCK! AND NOW I WILL FUSE WITH MY SISTER! KE KE KE KE KE! WE SHALL COMBINE TO FORM THE ULTIMATE HAG: TWINROVA, AND WE WILL GET MAYBE A YEAR YOUNGER! HE HE HE HE HE!!!” I went over to Kyle to play the sketchy copy. Maybe then I would find some answers...

Unfortunately, Kyle wasn’t home, he had spent the entire century in Detroit. And, since no one was home, the only way to get in his house was to break in. I chucked a rock at his window, and I triggered the alarm. So, I ripped it from the wall and now I was secure...for now. I started playing it because I thought that I would find answers for the strange events unfolding. Instead, the screen went blue for approximately 8.30839627858748875678765756787823580 seconds. Thank god I had my stopwatch with me so I could prove that this tragedy was all real. Then suddenly, a hand came out of the TV! It started strangling me, I was choking. Then, I quickly ran to the kitchen to get a knife and stabbed the hand. I heard a high-pitched squeel that sounded like  “KEEEEEEEE!!!” Then, the TV exploded! Blue chicken was everywhere! It flocked out of the broken television! The blue chickens started squawking, scratching, and pecking me. I tried punching and kicking each and every blue chicken, but they would poop out blue eggs and they would explode like grenades. Then, the Hag suddenly came out of the TV and started flying slowly around my living room in a sircle on her broom, like when she would look for her sister in the Woods of Mystery. “Have you seen my sister?” she said. Every once in a while, The Hag would throw potions at me, and would occasionally smack me with her broom of doom. Fortunately, Kyle walked in and saw me getting attacked by the blue chickens and the Hag. However, instead of helping me he just walked out the door. I took it upon myself to shoot the Hag with my double-barreled shotgun. Then, I took a shit on the Hag’s face. I got a stick of dynamite and lit it, whilst throwing it onto her. I quickly ran out of the house and Kyle’s house exploded! The fire was blue (for some reason everything was blue from the Hag.) After relief, I drove over to my local Dairygold. I went to eat some Ice Cream and Cheese. At 7:00 AM the Dairygold was closing, and I left. When I went to the parking lot, my car was gone.

DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY

Then, I heard an extremely quiet laughter around me. Then, I heard some sobbing. I too was sobbing. Someone threw a blue potion at me, the breaking glass from it cut my face badly. I rushed home, locked the door, and went to sleep. The next day, I noticed that the sky was blue. I thought that the Hag could’ve been responsible for such flabergasting events. I couldn’t take this tormentment anymore. I drove over to the Big 5 across the McHags to buy some armor. I bought some Diamond Armor from an old man who took me to his apartment for some spaghetii, as to where I strangely fell asleep and awoke naked in a ditch. But, moving on...I got an AUI-50 with 3-Round Burst with 66 clips and Magnum. I also bought some grenades to blow up the potion shop. Also, got a Diamond Sword with Sharpness X to slay the Blue Chickens. I was ready.

I rushed over to the yummy chicken shop and knocked on the door. The Hag appeared saying that the shop was about to close. In response, I shot her in the face, and she started squealing and queefing. Then, the Blue Chickens appeared to attack me but I was ready. I chucked 6 grenades and blue up the shop! But, my TV turned off. Then, a sudden black-out occured. I was very ascared because I had always a fear of the dark. Then, I saw it. In the shadows, glowing blue eyes appeared. I backed away, but I saw it was of the Hag. She pulled out a knife from her pocket and started stabbing herself. Then she started to have a seizure. The Hag exploded and we all died. No, that’s not what happened. Blue Chickens flocked into my window and started to carry the Hag away.The lights turned back on and then it happened. Magic Hag returned with her sister and together they fused to make Twinrova.

I tried to shoot it, but it would deflect the cheese. I pissed myself and Twinrova shot fire at me. Burning down my apartment. I drove into my 1884 De Dion Bouton et Trepardoux Dos-A-Dos Steam Runabout and went at full speed of 0.6 miles per hour. Twinrova easily caught up almost instantly, she got on top of the car. I decided the only way to kill her was to crash. So I trove into the local Valeu illage and the car EXPLODED! I somehow survived the crash, and I only had minor injuries. I walked away from the scene looking back and seeing my great car defecated. I still wished that I didn’t have to kill the Hag. She was a thousand of years old. And now it was finally over… Until the Hag threw a pebble at me and I died, and lived tell of this tale of true horror...

THE END